I'm getting vulnerable in this episode and sharing some emotions I've been feeling as the release of my book is approaching. While this has been an exciting time, it has also come with some surprising feelings of anxiety, fear, and the occasional urge to crawl into a hole and never come out again!

In this episode, I'm sharing my realization about where my anxiety stems from, how I acknowledge and honor it, plus the tools I'm using to get to the other side of it – without turning to food or alcohol as coping mechanisms. Our experiences in childhood shape so much of who we are, but they don't have to hold us back – in life, relationships, or our weight loss journeys!


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In Today’s Episode, You’ll Learn:

  • How I’ve overcome fear and anxiety without turning to food or alcohol as coping mechanisms
  • The thing that has made a significant difference for me in managing anxiety
  • What it really means to be conscientious
  • How childhood feelings can translate into weight loss challenges in adulthood

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Read the Transcript Below:

Katrina Ubell: Well, hello there my friend, how are you? I'm glad to be talking to you  today. I've been thinking about this episode all week, and then finally,  getting around to recording it for you. I have been a busy bee. I know we all  are busy, we all have for things to do. But as I'm recording this, I've been  recording a lot of guest spots on a variety of different podcasts to talk about  my upcoming book. 

So, I've been busy doing that, which is just really fun for me because I love  to connect with people, particularly one-on-one. I mean, I kind of think that  the podcast format is kind of my thing in case you hadn't noticed. 

So, anyway, I'm actually really excited to share this episode. I'm going to be  sharing some of the personal work that I've been doing. I realized I haven't  really done that too much in a while. And when I've done that in the past,  I've always gotten such good feedback.

And I think it's also really good for everybody to know that even when  you're a coach, and even when you help guide people and help them  through their own stuff, you have your own stuff that you got to work  through, and it's not always easy. 

And I think it's just good for us to see, you know what, like it's an example  of walking the talk, seriously. So, I have a feeling that what I'm going to  share will resonate with you as well, at least on some level. So, this will be  a good one to also share with other people, as you see things may be  popping up for them in their lives, particularly other doctors, for sure. 

So, very excited about it. And by the title, you might already have an idea of  what it's about, or maybe not. Maybe you'll be like “What's this one about,” and I can't wait to tell you. 

Next thing; so, my book, How to Lose Weight for the Last Time: Brain Based Solutions for Permanent Weight Loss is going to be released on  September 20th. And if you've already pre-ordered the book, I thank you so  much. I appreciate it so much. It really, really does help the book. The publisher is so excited about all the buzz and energy and excitement  around it. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate you so much. If you have pre-ordered the book and you have not signed up for the bonus workshop  yet that I'm doing on Saturday, September 24th, you're definitely going to want to get in there and register for it. 

The name of the workshop is called Guarantee Your Weight Loss Success,  and it is only for people who pre-order the book. So, the book comes out on  September 20th and then the workshop is on September 24th. So, you're  going to want to get in there and sign up. So, how do you do that? 

You pre-order the book, however you like to buy books. So, if you go to  Amazon or Barnes & Noble or the independent book seller of your choice,  you will get an order number. And then you will go to katrinaubellmd.com/lasttime. And there will be a place there where you can  enter that order number, and then you'll get your ticket to be able to come  to the event. 

So, if you're like, “Oh shoot, I'm going to be, whatever, at an event that day  or out of town and I can't come,” you should still register. We will send you  the recording of it as well. So, this is something special to thank you for  pre-ordering.

 

And I actually was working on this a couple days ago, this workshop  (Guarantee Your Weight Loss Success), and oh man, I was in flow. I was  getting some really good ideas. I'm so excited because it's going to really  play so nicely with the content of the book, but you won't be expected to  have read the book yet. 

So, it's going to really set you up for success as you get your copy of the  book and start working your way through it. So, super excited for you.  Definitely make sure you get your ticket for that by pre-ordering, entering your order number at katrinaubellmd.com/lasttime, and then come and join  me on the 24th. 

The final thing I have to tell you about is something that's really cool that  I'm actually super excited about. It's going to be happening next week and  it's something called the Soul Symposium. So, it's happening next week,  September 12th through the 17th, I believe. And it's going to be five days.  So, it's going to be Monday through Friday. 

And it's basically five authors, me included, and we all have books that are  releasing around September/October time. It's completely free to go to it.  And what you'll find is that there's going to be an hour-long interview  conversation with each author one on each day. And so, I want to tell you  what these books are. 

So, I go first, mine is being released on September 12th. So, my book, How  to Lose Weight for the Last Time. Of course, you want that, and you get to  have a great conversation and get to listen to me. 

Have a great conversation with Kary Oberbrunner, who is someone who  I've actually known for several years. We are both part of a program where we met and we kind of bonded over the fact that he grew up where I live now and things like that. 

And so, his business is actually in helping authors to get their books out into the world. So, I partnered with his team and the publisher and my  team, and we're all doing what we can to help get this book out into the  world. So, these are all authors who've been working with him. 

So, I'm going first, then we have a book called A New Kind of Diversity:  Making the Different Generations on Your Team a Competitive Advantage.  And this is by an author named Tim Elmore.

 

And I think this is so interesting over the last several years, many of us  have been thinking about and talking about diversity more, and he's really  talking here about generational diversity. And I think that particularly if you  struggle to connect to different generations, maybe it's generations of  people in your family, maybe it's generations of people that you work with. 

Maybe if you're a doctor, you're like, “I do not know what's going on with  this younger generation of doctors or trainees,” I think this book is going to  be really interesting. I'm very excited to read it. Just thinking about how to  really leverage those differences to make your team more successful, I love  that. 

The minute I kind of heard the term “millennial” and then people talking  about it in such a negative way, I immediately kind of felt like, oh, that just seems like kind of unfair to this group of people and not saying that that generation doesn't think about things differently, but also, in a lot of ways,  I'm like go them! 

They're like, “Yeah, I'm not going to do this nonsense that you guys all have been just putting up with forever.” And maybe that could be a really amazing message for us too. So, anyway, I think that's going to be a great one. So, Tim is next. 

Then we have Dr. Tammy Lewis Wilborn and she wrote a book called  Playing a New Game: A Black Woman’s Guide to Being Well and Thriving  in the Workplace. I actually have the pleasure of hearing Dr. Wilborn speak,  and I was so interested in what she had to say, and I can't wait to actually check this book out. I think it's going to be really, really awesome. 

I think that even those of us who are not black women, I think we can really  learn a lot by it. So, anyway, I'm super excited for her talk and super  excited to check out her book for sure. 

Then we have a book called The Peace Index: A Five-Part Framework to  Conquer Chaos and Find Fulfillment by Jeremie Kubicek. And I have to tell  you that I'm also excited about this book because what do I always talk  about? Peace and freedom around food. We want peace in the rest of our  lives as well.

 

And I was thinking, was like A Five-Part Framework to Conquer Chaos and  Find Fulfillment — who doesn't want to conquer chaos? Like I do. How  often do we feel chaotic? Like in our lives, in our brains? 

We want to feel fulfilled. These are those most important things in our lives.  We focus sometimes on the real individual things, instead of focusing on  the bigger picture, which is we just want to feel satisfied and fulfilled in our  lives. 

 

So, that one's going to be great. And then this final one is a book by Lee Richter and it's called Blockchain Life: Making Sense of the Metaverse, NFTs, Cryptocurrency, Virtual Reality, Augmented Reality, and Web3. 

And I'm telling you this book, I'm thinking about it, it's like kind of like taking  a vitamin or eating your vegetables. Not in the sense — I haven't read it, so  I'm not saying it's like a hard book to understand or anything like that. But  this is one of those things I don't know about you, but I have heard these  words, I know they are a thing. 

I maybe have a little bit of knowledge about some of them, the others I  don't know what it is at all, but I kind of feel like I should know more, like  this is really a thing now, this isn't just some kind of bleeding thing that's  just going to be gone. 

Like I think a lot of the stuff is the way life is moving whether we like it or  not, and I think it would be really helpful to understand these things better.  So, I think this book's going to be super great as well. 

So, this whole thing is free to be able to listen to all these. Now, if you listen  to this episode and you're like, “Shoot, Katrina, yours is already passed.  September 12th has already passed.” It's okay because you can still go  and register and get the recordings that have already passed. So, even if  you're listening to this after the 12th, you can still go get it. 

So, to just get your free registration for that, just go to soulsymposium.xyz,  isn't that fun? We ran out of dot com and dot co, and dot everything else,  so now we dot xyz; soulsymposium.xyz. So, I'm super excited to check this  out.

 

And just to let you know, I mean, it's completely free. There's nothing  required, like you're not going to be marketed to by a bunch of people.  You're not going to get on a whole bunch of email lists or anything. 

But what I did want you to know is that at the end of the symposium, they  will be putting together a bit of a package. And if you pre-order all five of  the books, then you get an amazing bonus from each author. 

So, I'm actually putting something in there that I have never … like people  have asked me so much, like, “Can I pay for this? I really want this?” And  I've never ever offered it before, except for people who are signing up for  my program as a bonus. 

So, it's going to be something that you're definitely going to want, especially  if you've been following for a while and maybe don't qualify for my  programs. So, you're going to want to check that out. 

 

And then I just wanted to let you know that you might be like, “Well, shoot,  but I already pre-ordered your book, so I don't really need a second one.  Should I really order the bundle?” 

But here's what I wanted to tell you; so you can get all those bonuses, you  want to pre-order everything. And then the second copy of my book, you  know what, just give it to one of your patients or give it to someone in your  office, or pass it on to your sister or your friend or somebody like that. Such a great way to get the message out about the book. 

I know for so many doctors and other healthcare professionals, they're like, “I cannot wait to have something to offer to people” and how fun to have a  book that you can maybe even offer them and say, “Hey, why don't you  read this? And then bring it back to me and then tell me what you think, and  we can talk about it.” And then you can maybe pass it along to other people  as well. 

So, anyway, check it out, soulsymposium.xyz. It's going to be great. I'm  really excited for it. That's it. That's all. You might be like, “Oh my gosh,  when is she going to start?” 

Here we go. So, take a little breath for a moment. I'm just going to share what's an honestness happening for me lately. And I really want to make sure that this is not coming across as like some sort of weird, humble brag or like, “Oh, poor me, I've got a book coming out.” Like I definitely don't  mean it like that at all. 

But to just share with you what's been going on for me on a mental and  emotional level, getting this book out into the world has been stretching me  to places I did not even know existed. And to a certain extent, to be honest,  it's really kind of taken me by surprise that it's felt as bad as it has. 

I think I always thought like the writing part is the awful part. And then you get to just tell people about it, how fun. And for me, I mean, definitely the  writing part had its ups and downs, but comparatively speaking, it was definitely not as challenging or as deeply, strongly emotional for me as doing the actual marketing part, the part of like getting it out into the world  and actually telling people about the book. 

So, I knew that this was starting to be a problem when I started feeling anxious, basically 95% of the time of my waking hours. I really just felt this… it was like I felt like over caffeinated or something. Like I felt like literally physiologically, like my heart rate was up. 

I had such like a sick feeling in my stomach, feeling very, very nervous, and  trying to figure out like why am I feeling this way? Because in my brain  logically, what I'm thinking, what I am aware of is like, yeah, there's a lot to  do. Like I'm thinking, “Oh, is this just kind of overwhelm because there are  so many moving pieces and different things to keep track of? And it's a lot for even my whole team right now. Like everybody is really stretched thin in working to make this happen. Like is it related to that?” 

 

And then I was like just picking different thoughts, like exactly what I teach  you. Like, well, let's just question this. 

And here's the thing, like it's all okay, we're going to get done what we can get done. It's going to be more than enough. And I do believe that all to be true. I wasn't really telling myself outwardly overtly in my awareness, in my conscious awareness any kind of like scary story that would warrant all of this anxiety. 

And so, I was spending a lot of time sitting with it, just being with myself,  honoring it. Yes, it's normal to be anxious during this time. Just really a  level of anxiety that I've not really experienced before in my life.

 

Well, definitely not since I stopped emotionally eating, so maybe I felt had  something like this in the past and I just stayed a bunch, I don't know. But  anyway, I don't do that anymore. So, I've been really dealing with this. 

And so, when I say anxiety, I mean, I'm talking like really kind of terrified  and by kind of, I mean really terrified. Like literally, a feeling of terror, like so  much fear, so much worry, really, really intense level. 

And so, I'm like, okay, what is going on? Like what's happening here?  Because if I'm still feeling that, then of course, on a subconscious level, I  still have beliefs and thoughts about what's happening that's making me  feel that way. 

So, I have been working with lots of people to help me because it takes a village sometimes to support us. And I really realized that so much of it was  because of just putting myself out there, just the level of exposure, which at  face value, seems like a good thing. 

We want exposure, we want people to know about the book, but there's like  a part of me that's like very motivated by that potential impact by thinking  about how this book cannot only just change so many people's lives, but  also, change the way like the medical community approaches weight loss  with people. 

I feel like on a lot of levels, we've really been failing people who struggle  with their weight and instead, really inadvertently, shaming them, making  them feel like they're broken because of this messaging that has been sent  out for so many years. And of course, so many of us are actually on the  receiving end of that messaging as well, even though we are also medical  providers. 

So, it's just an area where I really feel like I can make a difference and I  want to make a difference. And so, this book is going to be such a great  way to do that. So, that is the part of my brain that's very logical and it's like  this all makes sense, and there's nothing to worry about. And then there's a  part of me that wants to climb in a hole and never come out, and I'm not  exaggerating. 

 

And so, I had to figure out what was going on with that part of me. Like so  much fear, so much just wanting to hide. I don't want people to look at me, I don't want people to know about me. I don't want their attention on me. And in reflection, this is not really necessarily a super new thing. 

Like there's a reason I got married on the beach in Hawaii with just immediate family there. The idea of walking down the aisle in a church or  wherever with a big wedding and all these people looking at me, just always made me feel really uncomfortable. I just didn't want that. 

I have the story that I tell myself that I'm always much better in smaller groups or feeling like really more intimately connected with people. Like I  don't love being in a situation where there's all these people looking at me, and that has been a thing that I've really been working on, but I've been able to get a lot more to the root of what's going on. 

And I have a feeling that there might be some element of this that you deal  with too. And that's why I'm telling you about it. So, working with therapists, coaches, friends who are coaches, talking to my husband, like just so many different people that I've been enlisting to help support me right now, what  I've realized is that there's a quite young part of me that is very fearful. 

And that's like kind of that part of me that's freaking out and wants to go climb under the covers, pull the covers over her head, and never ever peek out ever again. So, there's this very young part of me that's really, really terrified. 

So, I've been spending a lot of time going, okay, so let me find out more about what that fear is about. And we don't have enough time for me to talk  about all the fears that I had as a child, but I will tell you about the part that has really made a significant difference for me in terms of working through this anxiety and terror and bringing it down to a manageable level. 

So, I want to tell you a little story. So, I went to this really lovely elementary school that time we lived in Southern California. So, anybody who lives in that area, Carden Conejo School, that was the school I went to, it’s still in existence. 

So, I went to this school and it was just lovely. It was a great school to go  to. And one of the things that they did on the last day of school every year  was the teacher would give out awards. So, maybe you had something like  this or maybe it was kind of messaging in a different way, but basically, every single student would get some sort of award, like best whatever or  most whatever. 

And I got the same award two years in a row, two different teachers.  Interesting. And I was remembering what that award was. So, I'm thinking  about second, third grade. So, about seven-eight-years-old, which is  around the age of this little version of me inside me, that is freaking the, you know, what out. 

Guess what the award was? The award was Most Conscientious, and  there's the title of this episode. So, I got the Most Conscientious Award twice. 

So, I was thinking about that and thinking about being conscientious and  what that was. And I was realizing the reason I got that award and the reason why the teacher felt that I was so conscientious was because I was  doing everything in my power to not draw attention to myself. 

I'm not going to get into trouble, I'm going to do everything when I'm  supposed to do it. I'm going to listen the first time, I'm going to be well behaved. I'm not going to cause trouble, and I'm going to just do as I'm told,  because that way, I won't get negative attention at all. 

Like it was like I'd rather have no attention than negative attention. Like I'd rather just kind of melt into the background and no one notice me, than to  have negative attention on me. And so, I obviously, did this enough that  two different teachers recognize that. 

But here's the thing, I was rewarded for that behavior. Like they probably said that I was just a dream to have in the classroom and never caused  problems and was so helpful, and so great to have around because I didn't  cause them any trouble. 

Well, that was great for them. But being rewarded for that, having that behavior reinforced as something that's really great, maybe one of the best qualities about me only made me do that more and more and more. 

Like to not really listen to necessarily what I wanted to do because it's  normal for children to push the limits and to want to try different things and  to get in trouble as they do that — like no, I'm just going to keep everything  under wraps, everything under control, so that way, I can be okay.

So, really what this was when I was being so conscientious, I was really people-pleasing. What I was doing was I was creating safety for myself, a  feeling of safeness (safety) and I was creating security for myself, and that safety and security hinged on others approving of me. Me doing behavior  that others, like that others valued, that they saw as being good. 

So, as long as they were approving of me, I could feel safe, I could feel secure. And what's really interesting is that over the course of time, kind of  builds up a lot of pressure. Like I remember a few times where I didn't really  get in trouble, but like you could tell the teacher was like not pleased, and  oh man, just even a little bit of the teacher being displeased, how much I  didn't like that. And that got me back in line, so a lot of pressure. 

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be the way we're expected to be,  the way other people want us to be. And I was thinking about coping  mechanisms for that and coping mechanisms for that pressure. 

 

And of course, it makes sense that when we're struggling in that way or we  feel like we have to be a certain way in order to be accepted and approved  of by others, that we would then start to turn to food. Because the food is  never going to tell us we're in trouble. Food is just going to be there and  we're going to feel good when we eat it. It's a nice distraction, it's a nice relief from the pressure of just being me in my life. 

So, I don't think that I actually really had that many opportunities to over eat too much as a child, which is why I didn't really struggle with my weight too  much then. But I, for sure, remember being much more interested in sugar than other people were. 

Like one of the big examples I can think of is like if I ever went on a  sleepover to another friend's house and they had sugar cereal in their  house, which we did not have in our house, I was so excited to eat that  sugar cereal for breakfast in the morning. And I wanted more than one  bowl. 

And I remember on several occasions thinking that it was so weird that the  girl whose house I was staying over at, wasn't like over the moon excited  that we had whatever sugar cereal to eat; Cinnamon Toast Crunch or  whatever it was. It just goes to show these things start from many of us very early.

 

So, of course, it makes sense. If you understand that foundation that now, I  would be in a place where I'm opening up myself and my work to tons of  judgment and criticism. And I'm sorry, but weight loss, it's a heated subject  for a lot of people. 

I mean, I've many times recently had the thought like, “Why do I have to  pick this to do? Why couldn't I pick something that wasn't so polarizing?”  Because I'm just like inside. My brain's just like, “You need to just run away.  We need to get away from this. I know what the solution is. You should just help people with a different problem,” as though there aren't other problems  that are just as polarizing or more so. 

Here's the thing though; once I understood this framework and understood  that it was this younger part of me who was so rewarded for falling in line  and never causing trouble and never ruffling feathers and never  challenging the norm, it makes complete sense that that part of me would  be absolutely completely terrified right now. 

Like I'm totally doing all the things that I've tried to not do my whole life in  order to create safety and security. So, of course, I would feel that way.  And here's what's so interesting, is that as soon as I put this all together for  myself, understood this pattern, that part that was so scared actually has  calmed down. 

So, I'm not going to say that I have no anxiety, I'm not going to say that I  have no fear around this, but it's so much less just really in the last week, to  be honest, because I've been working on this and working on this, trying to  figure this out. 

 

And so, I just feel so much more accepting of like, of course, it makes  sense, I'm going to feel this way. And ironically, once we understand it, we  can take a breather and soothe that part that's so fearful. And by doing  that, the intensity of the emotions go down. 

It's kind of like that part of us is freaking out inside of us to get our attention.  Like I kind of think of it, like she's just like pulling all the fire alarms. Like  “Somebody pay attention because something bad is going to happen. We  are not okay, we are not okay, we are not okay.” 

And by me actually sort of “hearing her out” or really understanding what  that's all about, she now knows like, “Hey, okay, we're okay, we've got this, I've been heard. It's all okay.” If you're kind of wondering this language that  I'm using, a lot of this comes from internal family systems, which is a form  of therapy that I'm not trained in, but I've learned a lot about, and a lot of  our coaches utilize inside our Weight Loss for Doctors Only Program as  well — can be a really, really amazing tool to help us work with ourselves,  particularly through things that happened to us in the past. 

And most of us recognize this anyway. We talk about like, well there's part  of me that wants to go out tonight, and there's a part of me that wants to  stay home and stay in my jammies. We recognize that there's sort of  different parts of us. 

So, that has been such a great memory to recall so that I can have  compassion for that younger version of myself who's so scared. And I can  create now from my adult place where I am in charge of myself, that sense  of safety and security that I was lacking so much. 

So, like I said, I mean, do I get nervous when I think about some different  media opportunities? Totally. But like that's okay, it's going to be okay.  We're all okay, we're safe, we're secure. So, what I want to end this on, as  we wrap up is asking you what kind of “most” were you or what kind of best  were you? 

Were you considered most responsible? Is that what everybody talked  about? Oh, so and so, she's so responsible. Were you most capable?  Were you the most intelligent? Were you smartest? Were you considered  the most helpful? Were you the best student? Were you the hardest  worker? 

What was it? Whether it was an actual overt award like what I got, or if it  was just what people said about you and the kind of identity they created  for you that you bought into and believed, just identifying what that was,  and then exploring for yourself how that might be playing out in your life  now can be super, super, super meaningful. 

Because as I've just described to you, awareness helps so much. You may  have noticed it's not like a whole lot has really changed with me, it's just  that I understand now where all that fear and anxiety was coming from, I  can have compassion for myself. And just by doing that, it lessens so, so  much.

 

And so, I'm going to be honest, I've had thoughts of like, you know what, I  could just give the advance back and we could just stop it all. Like I can  make this go away. Just still, like I'm not releasing this book or whatever — of course, I'm not going to do. 

But it just goes to show first of all, I like always knowing that there's  options, but it just goes to show how much we're like, “I'm just going to run  away. I'm just not going to engage in this.” But to a certain extent, the  wheels are rolling here. Like this book's coming out for sure. 

But what I was thinking about in terms of you, the podcast listener, is how  have these types of identities held you back? You know, maybe it wasn't  something where the machine was already rolling and it wasn't going to  screech to a halt for you. 

Like it's something where it's like, you know what, I could put my hat in or I  could raise in the ring or raise my hand for this type of thing, and I notice  myself withdrawing or holding back. Or I notice myself wanting to get out on  the dating world, except I just feel like this part of me that just is like, “No,  don't do it.” This lack of inertia, let's say right, just holding still, not doing the  things that take action to move us forward. 

I think that there's probably for every one of us, something that we were  rewarded for in our childhood, that adults loved about us. But now, maybe  doesn't really serve us or creates more of a negative or intensely difficult  emotional experience than we'd like to have. And sometimes, then we're  using food and alcohol to try to cover that up. 

So, just if you're like, “Wait a minute, I thought this was a weight loss  podcast,” it is because all of this stuff ties into all the reasons we ask food  to help us to feel better. We need to deeply understand what's causing the  feelings we don't like, and not just asking food to do it for us. And this could  be a big one for you. 

So, I am so curious to see what you think. I would love to know what you  were most or best of, because I think those of us who are high achievers in  our lives, we were rewarded for something in our lives for sure. 

So, I'm just going to know that being conscientious is a quality that I have  that can be really beneficial at times. And also, it's something that it's safe  to dial back whenever that's warranted.

 

And this might be a time where it's warranted and it's okay to go out there,  and it's possible to put your work out there, get all the feedback, including  the positive, and the negative and still be okay. And that's still really what  I'm working on is like how does one open themselves up to public opinion in this way and still feel okay. And I'll report back later because I'm still  figuring it out. 

 

Alright, friends have eight wonderful, wonderful, wonderful rest of your  week. I appreciate you so much. 

We have our Last Time Book Ambassadors group going right now, which is  going so well. I just want to say hi to all the book ambassadors. Thank you  so much for your participation in our group, we're having such a great time,  so fun. Something we haven't done before, and it's just been really, really, really great.

 

And I will catch you next time. We're two weeks away from this book  coming out, fascinating. Have a great week and I'll talk to you next time.  Take care. Bye-Bye.