Ep #349: Healthy Reflection vs. Rumination

Welcome to the Weight Loss for Busy Physicians podcast. I'm your host, master Certified life and weight loss coach, Katrina Ubell, M.D. This is the podcast where busy doctors like you come to learn how to lose weight for the last time by harnessing the power of your mind. If you're looking to overcome your stress, eating and exhaustion and move into freedom around food, you're in the right place. Well, hello there, my friend. Welcome to today's podcast. Thanks for joining me. I have a really good episode for you today. But before I get into that, I want to tell you something really quickly, because I've been meaning to tell you for months and I keep forgetting and today I'm remembering for whatever reason.

And so if you have been listening to this podcast for a long [00:01:00] time, you may recall that I mean, years ago, literally years ago, mentioned a product that had changed my life and wanted to give you an update on that. And at the time, the product that was changing my life was so good was something called a chilly pad. The company now, I believe, is called Chilly Sleep. And what I had gotten this was maybe in 2019, something like that, probably about 2019, I'd gotten their chilly cube as what it was called. And it basically is this machine is like a it's a cube shape, which is why it's called a cube. And it is connected to a pad that you lay under your sheet in your bed and you can control the temperature of it.

[00:01:41] And so I don't know which episode it was, but I really waxed poetic. Let's just say, about that thing. It was a game changer for me. I had definitely had tons of night sweats and my sleep wasn't good because I just was too hot and couldn't control my temperature. Waking up like, drenched. It was awful. [00:02:00] And so I found this chilly sleep, this chilly pad thing. I remember telling the story on this podcast and saying, you know, I had really been kind of, you know, I was a little bit like, what's the deal with the price on this thing? I don't know. Is this really going to be good? Am I going to hate it? I didn't know.

Well, I finally just bit the bullet and got it. And I was so glad I did. I mean, literally just changed my whole entire life. Made me sleep so much better. Stopped the sweats. It was just amazing to the point where I would miss it so much when I would travel. Like I was like, God, I wish I could, you know, more easily travel with this thing. Like it would be hard to take it on an airplane. You could put it in your car if you really wanted to, but I never did that either. Anyway, the point is that people have asked me over the years, you know, different clients and stuff, different people.

[00:02:44] Oh, are you still liking that chilly pad? And I have actually made a switch and it's been a while now and I thought I would just clue you in just in case because that old episode still lives on and I've changed my tune ever so slightly. And I wanted you to know because also someone [00:03:00] asked me about it recently and thought, you know what? So many people are struggling with this issue and they don't know that things like this exist. And so just briefly, I'm going to tell you about it so that, you know, and you can also tell people that it exists and it's going to help all of us who want it. And then I'm going to talk to you about today's episode.

Okay. So what happened was my chilly pad, my chilly cube. It was amazing. I loved it. But I noticed over the course of several years it stopped working as well. Now, that is probably very much user error because you're supposed to clean it a certain way every single month, I think. And I was super delinquent that like stuff like that. The once a month cleaning thing. That's that is not my strength. Okay. Like I just will not remember even if I put it on my calendar, it just never happens. So I would sometimes go like a year without running the cleaning solution through the tubes and stuff and, you know, fully disclose like that.

[00:03:55] I did that. And of course that's not what you're supposed to do. So over the course of time, it [00:04:00] just stopped working as well. And then I started working with them, their customer service a little bit more and trying to get it to work better and stuff. And it just came to a point where it was like, Yeah, you're going to need to get something new. So I just, you know, with brand loyalty, decided to get what they were offering.

And at that point then they were offering they had like two versions even better than what I had gotten. And I was like, Well, for sure, I'm going to go get the better the best one they have. It was supposed to be more comfortable to sleep on, like you couldn't feel the little tubes anymore like you could before. I didn't care, honestly, before you could feel the tubes because it helped me so much. I was like, I will feel them in order to not be boiling at night. But anyway, so I got their best one or whatever, the highest level and it just I could not couldn't get into it. It just was not working for me. I had actually, in my decision to buy that I had looked up like, what are people saying online about this? And I saw that there was a different product that was more of a direct comparison.

[00:04:55] And I even watched some of those comparison videos and decided, no, I'm going to stick with Chile. So I [00:05:00] got theirs. And it just it was just not working for me. I just was not liking it. And I decided to return it within the returns window and I decided to try the other one, the other brand. And that brand is called eight Sleep. So like the number eight sleep. And it's definitely marketed more for like athletes and stuff. I think they've got like Formula One racers being like, this is the official whatever temperature regulation, Formula one, you know, like, okay, well I'm not a Formula One driver, so but I do really value my sleep.

And so I decided to get the eight sleep. Now the. Thing with the eight sleep is that it's for both sides of your bed. If you have a queen or a king size bed, like there's no option just to have it on one side with the chili, you would just have the one side of the bed. And if your partner wanted it, then you would have to buy a second one and you would share like the mattress pad or something. Well, this one comes. It's like it covers the whole entire mattress. And there's just one unit, but there's two different controls and you control it through [00:06:00] an app. At first I didn't think I would like that, but I totally figured out a way to make it work for me so that I'm not like having to, like, dig into my phone all the time in the middle of the night if I want to change the temperature.

[00:06:09] But the point is, I'll wrap it up here. The eight sleep is the bomb. It is so good. My husband, who didn't even think he mean he wouldn't have gotten one for himself. He loves it too. And I have several friends who've gotten it now too. And they love it too. It is really, really nice. Definitely like several steps up in terms of the different features that it offers and stuff. And it's just been absolutely wonderful, very happy with it. And there's some things that are really nice, like you don't have to do the cleaning cycle, there's no cleaning cycle like it was with a chilly pad.

You just have to put I think it's a little peroxide that you put in with the water and then it just kind of cleans as it goes. And the frequency with which you need to replace the water is much, much, much less, which is really nice because I felt like, you know, at the end there with my chilly [00:07:00] pad, like it would just dry out really fast. And I don't think it was supposed to be doing that the way it was. So the reservoir is a lot bigger and it's awesome.

[00:07:07] So I have got no skin in the game here. I don't get any kind of kickback. I don't have a special offer or link for you or anything like that. Just, you know, from time to time like to share things that are changing my life. And, you know, at my age, I'm definitely in the menopause transition now. And this thing is better than ever. So happy if you are struggling, if you know someone who's struggling, whether it's the eight sleep or one of the chilly products or whatever it is, there is help and it really, really, really makes sleep so much better. Oh, one more thing.

The thing with the eight sleep that I love is that you can program it so that you can be warmer while you go to sleep. Because my old one, you couldn't do that. You can be warmer while you go to sleep, which is really nice in the winter and then it can actually detect when you are in different sleep cycles based on like the cover can, you know, measure your heart rate and different things like that. It's really kind of incredible technology. And so as soon as [00:08:00] it gets you into REM or deep sleep, as soon as it notices that you're in there, it will change the temperature to whatever you want. So if you want it lower, which I need it lower, but it's hard to fall asleep when it's so cool right away, then it will drop it then.

[00:08:13] And so it makes going to sleep so much nicer. It's so good. Technology is amazing. I love it so much. Okay, so let's talk now about healthy reflection versus rumination. This is something that I see a lot and I think it's something that all of us, including me, including basically every human, does, at least to a certain extent. We all will struggle from time to time with rumination. And I think sometimes when we are talking about some of the kind of coaching work or journaling or things like that, it can sometimes turn into rumination if we're not careful. So something that's meant to be a healthy form of reflection can sometimes become rumination and then that's not helpful.

So what are the differences and how do we get out of rumination when we're in it so [00:09:00] that we can, you know, reflect on things we want to or need to reflect on, learn what we need to do differently and how to approach things differently and then move forward with it. Okay. So this is something I see again and again. You know, people who are just keep coming back to the same issue, the same concern, the same problem again and again. If you see patients in the office or in practice, I'm sure you have patients who just like keep coming back to the same issue.

[00:09:24] You thought we were ready to move past it. Apparently we're not, you know, and so not so much like, you know, rumination is a bad thing as such. It just doesn't make us feel really good and doesn't really move us forward, doesn't create much. That's very good. So it would make sense for us to be able to identify when we're ruminating and then work on doing something different. So let's talk about what rumination is first. And rumination is when it's usually just like internal, like in our minds, you know, with our thoughts.

It's when we're rehashing things that we've done or said or like embarrassing things that have happened, disappointing [00:10:00] things that happened in the past. Those moments our brains are focused on often like past things that really are no longer a concern. So this will happen to me, like all of a sudden have like the most random memory of some, like, embarrassing or regretful thing that I said or did a gajillion years ago. Like I might not even be in communication with the people that were there or a part of it at all and haven't been for many, many years. And then all of a sudden this will come up. And sometimes I'm kind of like, why does my brain think that this is a good idea to think about right now? Like what? Why is this here? But. You know, it'll come up like very commonly.

[00:10:38] There's I see rumination in doctors in thinking about patient interactions, particularly negative ones, you know, any kind of complications you may have had and any kind of case or just in your management plan, particularly if there's been some sort of bad outcome or something, we can definitely ruminate on that. Often really ruminating on things that people say to us. You know, [00:11:00] someone made a comment, someone gave feedback, could be patient feedback. It could be if you train, you know, work on on teaching any trainees, maybe trainee feedback, all of those things, right?

Like it's just it takes up shop like residence in our minds taking up a lot of real estate in there. It doesn't always feel super good. So I think you'll know what I'm talking about, right? That rehashing, like going through it again and again and again and again and just kind of like not being able to really let it go yet, you know? So here are a few different characteristics of rumination. First of all, the most important thing to recognize is that it usually comes more naturally to us than healthy reflection, but it's much less beneficial. So if your brain easily goes to rumination, nothing is wrong with you. That's okay. That's human brains. But the good news is that we can learn to spend less time in rumination and get ourselves out of it sooner and faster. And so that's what we'll be talking about [00:12:00] today.

[00:12:00] So if you find yourself ruminating mean, I definitely do. It happens. It's okay. This is just a natural thing for our brains to do. Okay. So to determine whether something is rumination, you're going to recognize that you're probably thinking about something in the past and you're going to keep thinking about it. And it's going to come from a state of mind that is more negative and self-critical. Okay, So you're typically not going to be feeling super good when you're ruminating, right? So you're criticizing yourself as well, right? Your negative in general, but criticizing yourself, maybe criticizing others sometimes. I think in order to protect ourselves from criticizing or self-criticism, we will then just direct our criticism outward.

Even though it still feels bad. It feels better to criticize others than to be at the mercy of our own criticism. So I think it can be self-critical, but also critical to others as well. It's really easy to get stuck in this. You know, it can be one of those things where I [00:13:00] kind of feel like it's one of those things where the brain's just like, Oh, goody. Like, we're going to sit here and think about all the horrible things you've done. And sometimes I wonder why? Like, why do our brains relish doing that so much? But I think a lot of it from an evolutionary standpoint, is more along the lines of like, well, you know, if you can think about it a lot and you feel really bad, you'll probably try to avoid it again in the future.

And so it seems protective, right? The brain's like, Hey, let's think about this a ton. This isn't useful for you, you know, let's think about it again and again and again so you can do better next time. But like, think about ruminating on what you ate. This is another thing we ruminate on. I totally over ate last night. I binge ate last night. I overstuff myself. I said I was going to eat on my plan and I totally didn't, whatever it may be. Right. And just ruminating, ruminating, ruminating, thinking, all these negative thoughts about yourself is very easy to get stuck in that habit.

And I think we really do kind of deep down think like if I punish myself enough with thinking about this, then I'll do better in the future. [00:14:00] And generally speaking, that's not what's going to happen with rumination. And as far as food goes, I know that's not the case. It definitely doesn't help. What it does instead is it creates stress. And so we have lots of reasons to be stressed. We don't necessarily need to add to the pile. Right. So just recognizing that like, you know, particularly for people who still are kind of convinced, which you may be, that thinking that way actually does help you to do better.

[00:14:27] I mean, wouldn't it be cool to be able to do better but not require stress in order to do it? That would be kind of nice. All right. Rumination is also very problem focused. Okay. So it's just like, what are the problems? Let's think about the problems. Let's talk about the problems. Let's stay stuck in the problems. All the things that aren't right. But that's it. And it's a lot of what ifs, you know, a lot of like, what are the causes of the problems? Sort of the consequences of the problems. What if I had done something different? What if that thing that person said comes true?

Just, you know, a lot of spinning, a lot of questions, fewer answers. So really, besides stress, it also creates distress, upset, emotional pain. You know, it does not feel good. Right. And what's really interesting is if you really think about it the way you want to feel. Compared to how you feel when you're ruminating are usually vastly different. Right. So it's like we think by ruminating we're going to do better, but we don't feel better. We really don't feel better. Okay, so now let's talk about self-reflection and how that's different. So self-reflection is intentionally asking yourself questions regarding, you know, your life, your experiences, your goals, like just, you know, your life, your you, you know, just like understanding yourself better is the way that I think about it.

Just taking the time to understand what has happened rather than just letting [00:16:00] things keep happening to you. So it's a more active being a more active participant in your life. So the intent with self-reflection is to learn something, you know, to to be able to progress or move forward with something. And what you're doing in self-reflection is you're purposefully thinking about or processing the experiences that you've had. So rather than just like spinning on them like we do in rumination, what we want to do is think, Hey, you know what? That person said that thing, or I got that piece of feedback and now I'm going to explore it some more.

I'm going to get curious about it. I'm going to try to understand this more, right? There's something to learn so that we can, you know, at least possibly release ourselves from the negative emotions or pain that we're experiencing or to try to do something better or improve. Because, listen, I'm totally one of those people. Like sometimes the feedback, man, it hurts my heart, you know, And it can be tough to receive, right? But [00:17:00] also, if we want to do better, we have to be willing to hear those things and not make it mean something horrible and shameful about us, but instead be able to actually hear what we can improve on and then go and try to do that if we decide we want to.

[00:17:14] So self-reflection is particularly helpful and valuable when our expectations like what we hope to happen or what we want our lives to be like don't end up actually matching what our experiences are. So say you go to work planning to do this case and not having concern that you're going to have any kind of complication or issue. And then you do the case and there is a big complication, right? So now your expectations don't match what your experience was, and that can be a good thing to self-reflect on, right? It also helps us to approach life with more of a growth mindset.

Now, if you are not familiar with the terms growth, mindset and fixed mindset rather than getting into them again here, I did actually talk about them [00:18:00] in episode 44 of this podcast titled The Struggle of Weight Loss. So if you're interested in finding out more, which if you don't know what I'm talking about, you should be interested because it's a super fascinating concept, really amazing. There's a really fantastic book out there called Mindset by Carol Dweck that goes into this in much more deeply. But having a growth mindset really helps you to be able to learn and grow and do better. And it's a much more positive and productive and enjoyable mindset to be in.
So self-reflection helps us to approach our lives with that growth mindset. Self-reflection also allows us, you know, remember all the stress that we felt before, right? Talking about and rumination, it actually allows us to sort of reframe that.

[00:18:42] So it's something you know, it's like pressure that we can move past rather than just this kind of like, you know, cauldron of stress that we're stuck swimming in. Remember, rumination is much more problem focused, While self-reflection is solutions focused, we identify what the problem is, and then we start figuring out [00:19:00] what we're going to do about it. How are we going to move forward? What are some solutions? Right? If you get some feedback that you really have some room to improve, If your solutions focused, you go, Huh, okay, let me try to figure out what I agree with here. You know, maybe I can do a little better.

Maybe I can ask for some mentorship on this. Maybe I can ask, you know, someone who's trusted, who I really do trust their opinion and their thoughts to let me know what they think about it. So many things with food, like, you know, hey, I over ate last night rather than ruminating on it and beating myself up over it. Okay, what am I going to do next? How am I going to learn and do better next time? Like, what am I actually going to do? And self-reflection when we spend a little time on that, it really can lessen that pain and distress and upset, right Where rumination creates more pain, distress and upset self-reflection can reduce that pain and distress and upset.

[00:19:52] And that's ultimately, you know, what do we all want? We just want to feel better, that's all. So when we understand that rumination doesn't make [00:20:00] us feel better and that self-reflection does, sometimes we're a little bit more open to trying self-reflection. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you how you have to do self-reflection, because everybody's going to be different. I mean, one great way of doing it is journaling. And by me saying that about half of you went, Eww, gross, I hate journaling. Don't want to do that.

You know, we're like, Oh, yes. I always feel like I should be journaling, but then I never can find the time to do it. And then when we think that way, we're like, Oh, okay, well then guess I'm just never going to do self-reflection. And instead I want you to think of because we're going to reflect on this and get more solutions focused. Instead, I want you to think, how can I incorporate some self-reflection? I'll tell you two ways that work for me consistently. For years this has been the case. I will turn on like a podcast or the radio or like something, and I'll start listening to someone talking about something. And through that I can start thinking, I don't really know how this happens or why, but it's a pretty consistent but particularly if the topics are at least somewhat similar whenever I'm listening to. [00:21:00]

[00:21:00] And then it's pretty similar to whatever I want to reflect on. But I will sometimes have the best reflections or ideas or perspectives on things when I'm doing something else. So driving has often really been the thing for me, you know, kind of the same idea as being in the shower. Your brain is otherwise a little bit preoccupied and then it allows this other part of your brain to go like, Oh, hey, I've got something for you. And so another version of that that really works well for me often comes up for me is walking. And so, you know, I'll be out for a walk, usually not with my dog because my dog is so slow.

Although sometimes when my when I'm walking my dog, this happens too. But more so if I'm, I'm kind of more going on a like maybe we'd call it a fitness walk, you know, walking with a little bit more purpose. And so all of a sudden, you know, whatever the thing is pops into my head and then it's like, oh, you know, just get all kinds of sort of revelations and new insights into what that problem was. Different solutions, different things. I could try moving forward, different ideas. Those things really [00:22:00] help a lot. So like movement, maybe being in the shower. I've had lots of great ideas in the shower too.

[00:22:05] Maybe you're, you know, cleaning up the house or brushing your teeth or, you know, things like that, waiting somewhere. And some of that self-reflection can happen as well. So don't. Think that you need to be sitting down and always like putting pen to paper. I don't think that's the case, but I do find that from time to time a really good idea or a really good solution will pop up in your head and it can be helpful to be able to leave yourself a voice memo on your phone or type something in quick jot something down on a back of a receipt or some piece of paper you got laying around.

So you have that there so you can remind yourself of it when you move forward. Or try to do something different next time. So those are the differences between self-reflection and rumination. And when they're all laid out like that, I think it's pretty clear that rumination is something that we don't want to spend a ton of time with and self-reflection is something that we typically would like to spend more time in so that we can move forward and feel less stressed and less upset and [00:23:00] less pain and all of that. So now let's talk briefly about how to move past it, right? So you're ruminating now what? So I have four steps for you. The first step is just awareness. And often this is my first step because you just have to even recognize, Oh, I'm ruminating right now.

[00:23:15] I mean, that is a big part of it, is just even understanding and catching yourself doing it. Now, at first you might be ruminating for days before you realize it, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. You know, over time, as you build sort of the muscle to be more aware of what it is you're thinking and feeling, you'll be able to pick up on it quicker. Then over the course of time, maybe it's only a day or then maybe only a couple of hours, then maybe only like 30 minutes and then it might be like five minutes of ruminating.

You're like, Oh, I know what's going on here. But the way that you get better at it is by practicing, right? So one way to be able to build that awareness is to become more aware of what you're feeling in your body because the emotions that you're feeling and just like the sensations in your body can really make it a little easier [00:24:00] for you to recognize this. What I mean by that is like maybe you'll notice like some tension or some stress in your shoulders, tension in your body in some way, you know, just like you have a feeling, there's a certain feeling. And when you notice that feeling, you go, Oh, wait, I know what that is. Maybe you even feel kind of hot.

[00:24:16] You know, maybe you have sort of like a flush come over you. Maybe you kind of feel like low or down. Like it's just kind of a down day, you know, maybe not full depression or anything like that, but you just kind of like, oh, like just not feeling good. Like when you got that that sinking pit in your stomach feeling maybe you get that feeling when you're ruminating. And so if we can recognize like, oh, like this is the constellation of sensations that I feel in my body when I'm ruminating, then as soon as you notice those, you can build that awareness.

Oh, hey, I'm ruminating. Okay. Number two, I think it's important to essentially offer ourselves some compassion by, you know, trying to understand what the concern is. I think it's easy when we start learning this stuff to be like, Oh, gross, I'm ruminating, [00:25:00] stop doing that. And we kind of start beating ourselves up for ruminating. We don't want to do that. The rumination is there because it seems like it's helpful, okay? It's trying to help you with something. So let's just understand what the concern is. What is the issue here? And you know, there will be like the surface level thing. I would encourage you to really dig deeper behind that. You know, if you get some negative feedback, you know, feedback you feel is really unfair or kind of like mean, mean spirited, something like that, you know, what is the concern? Some ideas, right? It could just be like, I feel like I've been mistreated.

[00:25:31] I feel like I've been treated unfairly. I feel like they're not grateful for the work that I've put into teaching these people or taking care of these people. Maybe you are feeling like, oh my gosh, this is this the state of the world where people just feel like they can treat each other like this, feeling like some despair over that. You know, maybe there's a part of you that's going, you know what? I'm actually scared to death that they might be right. And maybe I'm not actually good at this. Those are things [00:26:00] that can be good to figure out.

So this is actually part of self-reflection. We've already kind of moved and shifted into that self-reflection, understanding your concern, what is the real problem behind the problem and then behind that problem, like what is the real concern? Then number three, and this is not a rhetorical question, even though it sounds like it can be, just ask yourself what this matter tomorrow? Will this matter in six months and then will this matter in six years? Sometimes we just have to get a little perspective on some things. You know, sometimes I know for myself, I'm like ruminating like, oh, this is so important, You know, the matter tomorrow thing, my brain is usually like, Yeah, six months.

[00:26:38] I'm like, Nah, probably not six years. I'm like, Oh, no, I'll be over it. I'll have forgotten this even happened. So it just gives us some perspective. Is this like a really big, huge problem that absolutely has to be solved right now, or is this something that we'd probably be better served to just try to let go of? Okay. So number one, awareness, number two, understand your concern. Number three, will this matter tomorrow, [00:27:00] in six months or in six years? And then finally let it go.

And, you know, I'm not going to sing this song to you, but you know what I mean by that is work on moving forward, make some decisions, try something, take some action, you know, like decide one thing that you can do that will move you forward. Because remember, rumination keeps you stuck. And self-reflection moves you forward. So we just want to do one thing to move ourselves forward based on what we reflected on. Maybe we can't solve the entire problem. In fact, a lot of times we probably can't solve the entire problem right in that one session or that, you know, those five minutes we give ourselves. But we can probably decide to reach out to somebody or Google something or ask around to something or, you know, like something like that. We can definitely do that. Take some action forward, find some solutions, pick one, try it.

[00:27:51] If it doesn't work, try another one. Right? Just move yourself forward. The way you do that is by letting go of that rumination, not hanging on to it. [00:28:00] Sometimes it's almost like this, like tight grip we've got around it and we want to let it, let it go. And just want to mention that sometimes it's actually really hard to let it go. And if you try that and it's just not really working, I think for the short term it's okay to just distract yourself a little bit. You know, sometimes you're just like your brain is stuck on that thing. It's like, you know what?

It's time to call a friend. It's time to watch a show. It's time to get outside and walk or, you know, move, get some exercise, go look at some nature, like just mix it up, go do something else, talk to a neighbor, go to a pet store and look at the animals, like whatever is the thing that will kind of shift your train of thought and put your focus onto something else for a while, I think can be helpful to just, you know, that's obviously not going to be the thing we're going to want to do ongoing forever. But think about something else. If you're totally ruminating on what you ate yesterday or last night and what that's going to do and now you need to work out, okay, let's think about something else.

[00:28:58] Let's focus on something else. [00:29:00] Is not requiring all of the mental energy that is currently being devoted to it. Okay. So just to review how to move from rumination. To self-reflection. And even past that, we're going to build awareness that we're ruminating. We're going to figure out how that feels in our bodies so we can hopefully work on being able to identify it even sooner. Then we're going to understand the concern what is the problem behind that problem and maybe even behind that problem? What are we really concerned about? Why does this really bother us? Number three, will this matter tomorrow? Will this matter in six months?
Will this matter in six years? Get a little perspective on it just to understand if this is not even going to matter tomorrow, we might just want to drop it, you know? And then number four, let it go. Move forward. Make some decisions, find some solutions, take action. And if you need to distract yourself. Okay. All right. That's it. Healthy reflection versus rumination. May all of us be able to move from rumination to reflection a little bit [00:30:00] faster after all of this information. And we will all be better off for it. Rumination. It's kind of the pits, you know?

Have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your day. Thank you for being here with me and I'll talk to you next time. Bye bye. Ready to start making progress on your weight loss goals? For lots of free help, go to katrinaubellmd.com and click on Free Resources.