Ep #340: Lighting a Fire Under Yourself

Welcome to the Weight Loss for Busy Physicians podcast. I'm your host, master Certified life and weight loss coach, Katrina Ubell, M.D. This is the podcast where busy doctors like you come to learn how to lose weight for the last time by harnessing the power of your mind. If you're looking to overcome your stress, eating and exhaustion and move into freedom around food, you're in the right place. Well, hello there, my friend. Welcome to today's podcast. I'm really glad you're here with me today. I hope that you've been enjoying your summer so far. We have had some smoky weather, unfortunately, with the wildfires to the north of us, and luckily that seems to have cleared itself out some so we can get outside and start enjoying being outside.

Where I live, you know, it's not warm enough to sit outside for the majority of the year. So when the weather is nice, if we can't get outside, we start getting cranky. And by we I mean like the collective whole of the entire state or maybe the entire Midwest. I don't know. We start getting really irritated. We're like, we've waited all year for this. You've got a lot of us outside. I know if I'm walking my dog wearing an N95 mask that something's wrong. Anyway, it seems like it's cleared and hopefully it will stay that way for the rest of the summer. But it's been pretty challenging.

[00:01:34] I realized I haven't shared a lot just about personal stuff recently. And I'll just give you, you know, just a quick little update. I actually spent the weekend just prior to this, dropping my son off on the East Coast for a two week program at a let's just say, a prestigious university. I won't say where exactly he is. But anyway, it was it's not a place that's like super easy to get to. And so I just spent like basically [00:02:00] the whole of my Saturday getting him there, then got him settled on the Sunday morning and then spent the rest of my Sunday getting myself home again. And so I didn't even get home to my house until 11 p.m. last night.

I guess I haven't shared too much, but I work hard. Let's just say there's a lot that goes into what I do to run this organization that that provides such amazing help to such amazing women physicians. So I'm very protective of my weekends typically, but this was worth it. I could have sent this particular son, who is almost 18. I could have sent him out there by himself, but there was an opportunity to get a campus tour and stuff, and I've been kind of that flunky mom. That was literally the first like college tour we've been on in total, and he's going to be a senior in high school. And I kind of realized talking to other moms, I'm like, Oh, we're behind.

[00:02:49] Like, we got to get ourselves together here. So we have a few more planned coming up here in a couple weeks, but that's why I went out with him. He totally very easily could have traveled by himself. But anyway, so I'm allowed [00:03:00] myself to kind of sleep as long as I could this morning and just have a plan to just, you know, just meet myself where I'm at. As per that episode that I just sent out a couple weeks ago, or I guess it was maybe a month or two ago now at this point, but just kind of really looking at it like, what do I need today?

What do I need now in this moment? And it's actually quiet in my house. I'm literally the only one here, me and my dog, which is kind of a rarity, especially in the summer. So I'm really excited to come bring you this episode. Although I do have to say, my neighbors are getting a new roof and I'm in the attic. So I literally, you know, in the attic, if I look out the window, like just straight across like over the top of my computer, like I just see the roofs of my neighbor's homes. And all of a sudden earlier today, I was on a meeting and I just happened to look up and there were like two men, like basically right outside my window.

[00:03:47] And I was like, oh my gosh. Oh, Oh, my gosh. Startled me. I'm not used to that. Anyway, so before they start hammering, I wanted to get this episode recorded for you. So what I want to talk to you today about is, [00:04:00] you know, the concept of sort of like lighting a fire under yourself and of course, not a literal fire, but getting yourself like kind of off your duff, you know, like, what do we need to do to get ourselves up and moving? And I don't mean this episode to be something that's like yelling at you or like shaming you. You know, there's definitely all like, kind of the drill sergeant, instructor, you know, athletic trainer type people who, you know, approach things in that way. And that's, of course, one way of trying to motivate people.

I'm not going to be doing that today, but I do want to kind of talk to you a little bit more about what it takes to go from not doing anything to doing something right. So maybe not doing anything, but being aware that there's a problem to being aware that there's a problem and ready to take action. And I think a lot of people spend quite a bit of time in that [00:05:00] contemplation stage of recognizing that there's a problem. So maybe you've recognized, you know what, I am having some issues with my weight or I'm not happy with how I feel inside my body or, you know, I feel like I overly rely on food that, you know, I'm drinking more alcohol than I would like, you know, something along those lines.

[00:05:16] So you have some awareness that this is an issue. You're not like just completely in the dark about the whole thing, but you're kind of waiting to take action and you may be aware of what you're waiting for and you may not be aware of what you're waiting for. You might just kind of be waiting. I was thinking a little bit more about this and just realizing that I think the. A situation for let's just mean since this is geared toward physicians, but women physicians in particular, you know, if you really think about it, it makes a lot of sense that if you are someone who has been working really hard, maybe there's still some well, I was going to call it residue from the pandemic, but it's probably more than even residue that's going on in your place [00:06:00] of work or just the way that you're interacting with your work.

There are still a ton of staffing shortages. There's just kind of like a fallout, I guess, is maybe the way to put it from the pandemic that a lot of people are still working through. And I think there's also been a bit of a palpable change in the way that the general public interacts with just people of all kinds, you know, in all kinds of ways.

[00:06:25] And doctors are not immune from that. So I think sometimes just the experience of, you know, doing your job can sometimes be more difficult. I just want to speak to the fact that there's some challenges going on. Right. And sometimes I think we sort of feel actually a lot of time. I think we feel like there's sort of a limit to how much challenge we can take on at one time. And I think that's actually really smart. You know, like you can't probably do every single thing or take on every single challenge all at the same time.

Like there's just not enough hours in the day. There's not enough energy for that. It just ends up being too much. [00:07:00] And then we tend to do, you know, either nothing or a poor job at what we're trying to do. So I'm definitely not suggesting that. But I do think that there is kind of a subsection of people who have identified that there's a problem that. Sure. I mean, listen, before the pandemic, there were a lot of problems in medicine, too. I mean, you know, it's not like staffing issues or personnel issues are a new thing, you know what I mean? Like, that's been going on a long time, but we're kind of just kind of like stuck.

[00:07:30] It's almost like we're, we're like magnetically stuck in place, you know, Like our butts are kind of magnetized to to the chair. That's quite the visual. But, you know, it's just like there's part of part of us that wants to move forward. But the, the what's winning out is staying where we are and kind of knowing, yeah, you know, I'm going to do that at some point. I'd like to do that. I will do this at some point, but then we're [00:08:00] not doing it. And so in this episode, I'm going to be talking more about stopping emotionally eating, creating peace and freedom around food, creating weight loss, if that's what we want, you know, like figuring out what we want that to be for ourselves.

Like I'm going to be talking about that, But this actually applies to other areas of your life as well. If there's a different challenge that you're focusing on and think really what kind of sums it up is that we want results, but we kind of don't want to put in the effort right now. And I don't mean that in a judgmental way at all. Just please know, right? Like it's just we just need to such a huge part of coaching is we need to understand what is true, what is actually happening. We call that building awareness. We have to know what's the truth of our current situation, because from there then we can decide do we want to actually change that or not? Rather than telling ourselves a story that isn't true.

[00:08:56] Such as like, you know, it's impossible for me. I can't do that. Like things like [00:09:00] that. Like, that's totally not true. But so when I was thinking more about it, the kind of term that kept coming to mind and actually I probably should have Googled this to see if someone else has ever called it this, but it's kind of thinking about it as willful helplessness. And again, I don't mean this with any judgment, like not throwing shade on anybody, but. Right. It's kind of like on purpose.

We kind of want to be helpless because if we're kind of like, oh, like, you know, I just it's just too hard or I just can't or this is going on or that's going on, then we don't actually have to take action. It's actually as uncomfortable as that is to be sort of in willful helplessness. It's predictable, it's familiar, and it actually doesn't require much of you, right? It just requires your commitment to keeping yourself stuck. It doesn't actually require you to move forward into something that's unfamiliar or that's different or it doesn't even require you to explore anything of yourself as a human or progress in any [00:10:00] way or grow in any way or evolve in any way.

[00:10:03] It just kind of keeps you stuck. And I just want to say again, like I said, this is no judgment. I understand. I've been here, too, in other areas of my life. I think it's just a really common thing for us. But I feel like for like right now, especially when it comes to overeating, especially if some of those overeating habits were maybe started in the last couple of years or maybe resurfaced in the last couple of years or maybe became a bit more cemented in place over the last couple of years. There's a bit more of that right now, specifically in the female physician community where it's kind of like, you know, I really want that, but like all these other things are too hard.

And so I'm just, you know, maybe someday, but just not right now. Now, not to say that there isn't an important skill of discernment. Is this the season of your life where you can focus on this or not? Right. If you have, you know, brand new triplets, maybe it's not. [00:11:00] You know what I mean? Like, like there is, right? We do have to just make space for that, like the recognition that, you know what, this is really just not the time for me to do that. But I think there are definitely people where, no, they could really do it if they were just honest with themselves.

[00:11:18] And that's who I'm talking to right now. So you are probably familiar with the term inertia, right? Inertia is the tendency to do nothing. Or to remain unchanged. And that is what I think is happening for a lot of people. Right. We just are kind of like, you know, we're just going to keep doing the same nothing right again and again. But what we really are forgetting is that when we get stuck in inertia in that way, it doesn't feel good. We kind of keep waiting to feel good to take action, but it's taking action that makes us feel good. [00:12:00] Okay.

So accomplishment is one of the great natural pleasures. I mean, think about where humans came from a couple hundred thousand years ago to where we are today. Accomplishment obviously has to feel good to us or we would not have continued to push ourselves to grow, to improve, to innovate, to create the lives that we have now. Okay. So we are invited to work to overcome that inertia. So we're just going to stay in the sciences. So in chemistry, there's a term called activation energy, and that's the minimum amount of energy that's required to cause a reaction to occur. So what we have here is a requirement, a need for activation energy to kind of essentially push that ball rolling, like you have to push hard enough to get the ball rolling.

[00:12:52] Another way of putting it is like that energy, like lighting a fire under yourself, like fire is energy, right? Like, we've got to, like, energize ourselves. [00:13:00] We've got to push the minimum amount to get the ball rolling so that we can start to do the things that create results so we can feel that natural pleasure of accomplishing it. Because instead what we're doing is we're like, You know what? But I can just sit here on my couch and eat snacks. And that gives me some pleasure too. Yes, but only for a very short time until. Right. You're like not happy with how your clothes are fitting or just, you know, what it's like to be you living in your body.

Maybe you're uncomfortable. You just are not recognizing yourself or realizing that this is not the kind of person that you want to be or whatever's going on, Right? What we have to do is figure out a way to create that activation energy. So in doing so, here's an example that I think everybody who's in medicine can recognize is think of somebody who gets a medical diagnosis and then that creates the activation energy they need. So somebody who gets a medical diagnosis and [00:14:00] they've been trying to stop smoking for 30 years. And that diagnosis is what finally creates the activation energy to do it, to follow through, right? Or it's some sort of lab test results or a new like medical realization or a family health scare or something like that.

[00:14:16] That's a great example of where the activation energy is there. And then boom, like we're doing it. We're making that change that lit the fire, so to speak, under that person. So if we can understand that, that once we overcome that activation energy barrier, things start flowing, it actually gets a lot easier. You know, like if you have a big boulder and you're trying to roll it downhill, the hardest part is the very first turnover, like getting it going, like getting it actually rolling. Like that's the actual hardest part. And if we can move ourselves through that hardest part, then we can start seeing some results which keeps that fire blazing underneath us.

And then [00:15:00] we have so much more energy to keep going and it feels a lot easier. So how else do we do this? I mean, what's interesting is over the years, you know, I've been coaching now for seven plus years. Over the years, I've had clients tell me the minute I signed up for your weight loss for doctor's only program, I immediately started taking action on what I learned in the podcast. It was like the enrollment overcame that activation energy. They're like, Well, I'm going to be doing this as soon as the program starts, so I might as well start now.

[00:15:30] So interesting, right? And that's not like to say that that's better than wait until the program starts or anything. It's not like good or bad. It's just an interesting idea, right? Like making that commitment, making that investment is the activation energy that moves some people forward. I think what we have to recognize is that. If you're waiting for yourself to be motivated to start. Then you may be waiting a while. Right? Do you want [00:16:00] it to be a health scare that motivates you, or could you just get going now so that there is no health scare?

You know what I'm saying? Like or, you know, you don't you're not reliant on something happening to somebody else or hearing some sort of story to get you going. Like you could internally motivate yourself. Now, how do you do that when you're like, This just seems super hard. I've tried this many times before. Like if you've tried to lose weight before, you might be like, How is this any different? Like, I know how this story ends. Obviously we have to like, shape our perspective on this because working on this, the way I approach it and the way I teach it is very different than all those other ways. And so, you know, I wouldn't even compare them. They're not a direct comparison at all. But it is different, right? And it does require some of that energy to keep you moving.

[00:16:51] But, you know, we often talk about willpower. Actually just did a couple presentations on willpower recently talking about like, how can we rely [00:17:00] less on willpower? But it's not like willpower is bad or relying on willpower at all is bad. We just want to use it appropriately. We don't want to waste it on things that we don't need to waste it on. Now, getting yourself moving in terms of making some changes that you know would help you to get the results that you want, like willpower might be a great thing for you to rely on, especially in the beginning. Like you don't really feel motivated yet. You don't really want to at all, but you're going to do it anyway.

And that willpower gets you rolling and that gets you through maybe the first couple of weeks, and then maybe you start seeing a pound or two down on the scale and you go, Huh, okay, this is working. That's fun. Kind of go in the right direction and then things start moving forward, right? Like maybe those pants that are, you know, kind of snug start to fit a little better again. And that makes you feel great because it's really nice to wear clothing that feels comfortable and fits appropriately, right? Like you can see how the motivation comes. Like your thoughts change. This [00:18:00] is working. I can do this.

[00:18:01] This isn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. In fact, it's much easier. That's at least what people say in my program. Right? Like that keeps that ball rolling, right? We don't need to reignite, you know, use the same metaphor like lighting that fire under yourself. You don't have to reignite that because it's just it's just burning like you've got the energy. So how do we get ourselves going? It might have to just be some willpower. It might just have to be saying, You know what, I'm making this commitment. I'm going to sign up for Katrina's program, weight loss for doctors only or for something else that is going to be the right thing for you.

Or if you want to go on to go and do it yourself, right? Like create a plan for yourself and just say, like this day I'm starting and then that's it. Like I'm going to do it whether I want to or not. Like wanting to isn't going to actually factor in to this. And so that's how we get ourselves going. That's how we light a fire under ourselves. Think often we're sitting around waiting for something magical to happen. [00:19:00] Like something special. Like. Like a personal invitation. You know, like a Harry Potter letter that's going to show up and it's just going to be like, You have now been invited, right? Guess what? Like, here's this amazing news about who you really are and like, it's going to be like this great experience.

[00:19:17] It really could be a great experience if you let it be. But the invitation has already arrived. In fact, you have a huge stack. You know, remember in the Harry Potter one, like the envelopes are just like flying through the mail slot like crazy. You know, it's like that's already been happening for you. And you're like, I don't know. You know what I mean? So really what it comes down to is that I believe that you deserve better. Like if you're struggling in this way, if you do not feel that you have peace and freedom around food and you're not living in a body that it feels comfortable for you or that feels ideal to you, like you deserve better than that.

You deserve to not struggle with this anymore and to know and have the [00:20:00] tools in place and support in place to be able to be free of this. And so that I believe to be true. But here's the thing. You're the only one who really can create this result for yourself, right? Like Hogwarts wasn't going to force Harry. They, you know, they weren't going to make him come, right. If you didn't want to come. They just knew we did want to come. They knew that living with the Dursleys was horrible. Hopefully you're familiar with Harry Potter.

[00:20:28] I'm taking this example pretty far here. Like the Help exists, whether it's with my program or something else that's a better fit for you. Like the help exists, but you have to light that fire under yourself and take advantage of it and then use that critical thinking part of your brain to figure out like, does this resonate with me? Is this going to actually help me solve the problems that I have? Is this a solution that I'm interested in pursuing? Right. And then you got to show up. What I always tell people [00:21:00] with my programs is that, like, we're here for you.

We're going to meet you with 100% of what we can offer. I mean, we are here I'm not a fan of like the more than like 110%. 150%. I mean, you know, we're showing up fully for you, is my point. Okay. We're showing up fully for you. But we cannot do it for you. You have to be showing up for yourself as well. And then together. That's how we guide you in creating these amazing accomplishments and results, which I'll just repeat again, create a lot of pleasure. It never gets old, having peace and freedom around food. Yesterday when I was traveling, I had like airline lounge access in the airport, had a long, many hours to sit and wait. And I went in there and they had so much food everywhere and so many people, everybody eating everything.

[00:21:58] And it was so nice [00:22:00] to be able to look at that and go, Oh, okay, so I've got this thing and they got some of that over there. I'm going to put those together and that's what I'm going to eat and it's going to be just fine. Like not having any drama about anything related to food. So easy being delighted that they actually had a barista in there. I've never seen that before. I was like, This is impressive. So I just want to offer to you that. It may be time. Like if you've been looking for a sign to light a fire under you, this episode could be that. Like you can decide.

The fire's been lit. I'm going to go and do this and I'm going to keep going until I figure this out. Think that's one of the most helpful beliefs and thoughts that you can have when it comes to weight loss. I'm going to keep going until I figure this out. And if working with us, while you figure that out, is the next best step for you, I want to invite you to check out more about our program. You can do that at Katrina ubell.com/info info. [00:23:00] You can find out more about our program and see if it's the right fit for you. If it's not, I just want to encourage you to get up and get moving.

[00:23:08] Like do something. Make one step forward. I've told this story before on this podcast, but there are sure are a lot of episodes, so you may not have heard it. You know, when I first my first 10 pounds I lost were from doing one thing that I teach. Literally one thing. Just one thing. That's it. So it's not like you have to do everything. You have to do all the things all at once. You really don't. In fact, the way I take people through my program is very step like a step wise, staged approach.
And it's that way on purpose. It's too much. When we ask ourselves to do all the things all at once. You know, it's just not sustainable. And then how is it any different than any other diet we've ever tried?

So listen to me. This is one of those things where I'm like, I love you too much to keep letting you do this to yourself, right? Like, if you've been waiting for the sign, here's your sign. It's time to get up. [00:24:00] Let's light that fire and let's get going. Okay. Whatever that looks like for you. Let's get going. All right, my friend, I love you very much. Have a great rest of your week and I'll talk to you next time. Bye bye. Ready to start making progress on your weight loss goals. For lots of free help, go to katrinaubellmd.com and click on Free Resources.