Ep #351: Improving In-Law Relationships with Dr. Amruti Choudhry MBBS BSc

Welcome to the Weight Loss for Busy Physicians podcast. I’m your host, master Certified life and weight loss coach, Katrina Ubell, M.D. This is the podcast where busy doctors like you come to learn how to lose weight for the last time by harnessing the power of your mind. If you’re looking to overcome your stress, eating and exhaustion and move into freedom around food, you’re in the right place. Well, hello there, my friend. Welcome to today’s episode. I have got such a great one for you today. This is a topic I’m like, Wow, 351 episodes and we’ve never really thoroughly discussed this.

We’re going to be talking about in-laws. This is a thing that so many people struggle with. Maybe you as well. Maybe you [00:01:00] don’t have in-laws in your life, but you want to do some of this work anyway. Maybe you just have someone who you struggle with in your life. You can learn a lot from this conversation as well. It’s just that there are a lot of people who struggle with their in-laws so that we’re kind of doing it through that lens today. But like I said, you know, even if your in-laws are absolute angels and you love them so much, if you struggle some other people, this one’s going to be a good one for you as well. So Amruti Choudhry. She is an amazing coach. She’s also a doctor. She’s a doctor in the UK and she has had kind of a little bit of a circuitous path to doing the coaching that she’s doing now.

[00:01:37] She’ll tell you more about that when you get to the interview portion of this episode. But she has, through her own work, doing her own work as a coach, meaning her own personal work, she discovered that she could really improve her relationship with her mother in law and in doing so, realized, You know what, this is incredible. This is a remarkable result. And this would be an amazing thing [00:02:00] to help other people with. And so that’s what she does now. She is helping people who struggle with their in-laws. So brilliant, such a smart, smart thing to help people with. It’s so good. So we are going to talk about why we struggle with our in-laws, what we can discover through doing this work, and some actual steps, like what can you actually do today to start improving your relationship with your in-laws?

So I am so excited to share Amruti’s message with you. It’s oh my gosh, so badly needed and I hope that you get something out of it. I’m sure you will. So make sure you listen to the end of the episode where you’re going to find out more about her next offering that she has coming up about getting help with in-laws. And I hope you enjoy this episode. I’ll talk to you next time. I’m worthy. I’m so excited to have you here. Thank you for joining us today.

[00:02:54] Oh, my gosh. Katrina, it’s such an honor to be here. Thank you so much for having me on. Absolutely.

[00:02:59] Absolutely. So [00:03:00] we connected first when I was promoting my book and I came on your podcast and now we actually had the idea that, you know, you could come on to mine and we would talk about something and it’s finally coming into fruition. So good, super excited. Before we jump into our topic today, would you please just tell everybody a little bit more about yourself?

[00:03:21] Oh my gosh, this is such an honor. So I initially started listening to coaching through your podcast, Katrina. So we go.

[00:03:29] Even further back. I just didn’t know.

[00:03:31] I felt like I knew you even before I knew you, which was so fun. So I kind of started listening to your podcast several years ago, and I was on my own weight loss journey then, and I got into coaching because I wanted to lose weight, so I lost 42 kilos, which is what, about 92 pounds in my journey. And I thought I was just like, you know, I was going to do weight loss coaching and it was literally just going to work on my mind with regards to my weight loss. But in my journey I was able to [00:04:00] really work on like other aspects of my life as well, right? Because when you hire a life coach to help you with your weight loss, that’s just the way in to help you with every single area of your life.
And so even though I was able to lose the weight, the main thing that really helped me was I developed a much better relationship with myself. And so I was able to be a better mom. I was able to be a better wife. And when I say better, I don’t mean like I was bad before, but I was just able to be more me. I was able to be calmer. I was able to be, you know, just how I wanted to show up in the world. And the thing that helped me the most was I was able to heal my relationship with my mother in law, which had been, in my eyes rocky for over a decade. And within six months of coaching for my thoughts about her to completely change, I was like, absolutely flabbergasted. I was like, This is magic. I need to pick up a coach to teach this to the world. [00:05:00] And so I became a coach. You know, I started mentor coaching a group coaching program. Yeah. I started, you know, sharing this work really.

[00:05:08] So, so good. So I absolutely love this. The mother in law thing, or it’s not even the mother in law, it’s just the in-laws in general, because it’s not always the mother in law, but often it is. So can we also just talk? I’m like, where do we even enter into this? I think that it’s important to mention just cultural expectations around in-laws because there are plenty of people who are in a culture where it is not necessarily the expectation that you spend time. You know, people will just be like, Just don’t go and see them. Just don’t go spend time with them like things like that. And they don’t maybe recognize that in certain cultures that’s just really not available.

It’s just like not on the table as a thing that could happen. And so particularly in Southeast Asian cultures, just from growing up with a ton of people of that background and then, you know, coaching plenty of people as well, [00:06:00] there’s just definitely more of an expectation. And you know, friends that have I know to just an expectation around, I’m telling you. But you can clarify for us. But like where where think it’s like the oldest son is then responsible for caring for his parents. So whoever marries, you know, in a hetero relationship, whoever marries the oldest son, you’re basically also signing up for a very close interaction with said in-laws. Am I getting that straight?

Yeah. And so I’m South Asian, I’m Indian, and my husband’s Indian too, but from a different part of India. Just for context, we live in the UK, but we are both quite traditional in our upbringing, modern but traditional. So, you know, we grew up watching Bollywood movies and like, you know, like really taking part in the Indian culture. And so here I was thinking with my husband, it would be fine. We’re both Indian, it’s fine. But he’s, as you said, the eldest son. And we’d always actually had the discussion that we would live with the in-laws because that’s often a thing as well. Like it’s kind of just said in some cultures that you live with the in-laws, you look after them, you spend time with them, you do things for them. You basically are just like one family unit. So in some families it may be okay. It’s just the husband and the wife and maybe the children. But in this culture it was very much like the parents are part of that family unit.

[00:07:25] His parents are part of that family unit, just to be clear.

[00:07:29] Yes. Yes. Because it’s very much also that sometimes the wife’s parents are now part of a different family and that can cause a lot of friction as well, especially like for someone like me, because I was like, I grew up in the UK, so I was like, What is this doesn’t quite feel right. And even though there was no like restriction. To see my parents or anything. There was that kind of expectation that my husband, Rick’s parents, even my mom would say it too.

So it’s not just from the in-laws side. It was the generation [00:08:00] my mom would say things like, on Mother’s Day, you have to go and see your husband’s parents first. They are your new parents. You are leaving this family and entering a new family. Things like that. So it wasn’t just from the in-laws side. It was from my side, too. And I was like, How can I do that? You’re my parents. You know, this was a bit strange for me, especially because I was quite a fierce, like, independent spirit, you know? And I was like, Oh, I don’t know if like that I want for you to be my parents. I want like, it all to be one happy family. And that was my expectation. It was kind of far from that at the beginning, to be honest.

[00:08:35] So, you know, one thing that came to me as I was thinking about preparing for this morning was something that I think probably comes up for more of us who have in-laws than we probably realize is because I don’t think it’s very conscious. It’s not something that we’re consciously aware of, is the idea that whatever our relationship has been with our [00:09:00] biological family, like the people who raised us, sometimes we’re kind of hoping that the in-laws will fill in the gaps. Let’s just say like maybe things that weren’t available to us, emotional availability, whatever a hand up, encouragement, just the way we kind of want to be interacted with by a parental figure and maybe we didn’t have with our own family really kind of would be really happy if those in-laws would just become those people for us, could just order them up to treat me in all the ways that I want to be treated, to essentially kind of soothe the heart of the inner child within me who still may be experiencing some pain around some things, you know?

So I don’t think people are walking around aware of this. But like, why do so many people struggle with in-laws? Like, what is some of that about? Or like, why are we so resistant? Sometimes it’s because we think that the way we were raised was right. The way our family does things is [00:10:00] right, they’re wrong and things like that. But I think even deeper than that, we just want these people in this, you know, where the power dynamic exists, where they are sort of, you know, higher in the power dynamic and now in this, you know, kind of pseudo parental role, we really want them to be the parents that we didn’t have but that we could have ordered up. What do you think about that?

[00:10:20] I really do agree so much. But then there’s the kind of like nuance as well. So I feel that the reason why there’s so much friction with in-laws, especially in certain cultures, firstly, it’s the Prussian at the beginning that you have to get on with your in-laws, that it’s very important that that’s what holds the family together, that you must respect your elders and that that is a sign of a good wife or a good mother or a good, you know, daughter in law or a daughter that you are able to wear all of these hats and you’re able to do them well. So that’s one thing.

I think that pressure, that expectation and what we put on ourselves, I think also it’s the expectation from the other side. So they [00:11:00] may may be like, you know, having their own expectations then rightly so, because, you know, often they may think I had it much harder than you do. My mother in law said that to me like hundreds of times did much harder. You guys have got it so easy and initially used to think, Whoa, this is so hot for me, you know? But I understand where she’s coming from now after coaching that. Yes, they did have it much harder in certain aspects. And also now we have it harder too. So it’s their expectation. And maybe the daughter in law not meeting the expectation of what they were expecting.

[00:11:32] That’s such a good point. Sorry, just to interrupt for one second, but that’s such a good point. Right. Because the flip side is they’re like, oh, and she will be the daughter that we never had, right?

Totally. I mean, I’m the eldest daughter in law. My husband is my husband and his brother. And so I think my my mother in law was just expecting like a friend, someone she would talk to, someone who would help her with things, someone who she could do things with. And I was in my rotation. I was doing nights. I had just gotten married into a new [00:12:00] family. I was a bit of a bit all over the place and couldn’t live up to those expectations in my eyes. And so it just it was like a lot of pressure for me, even though she wasn’t saying anything wrong. But that’s where some of the arguments started at the beginning.

And initially we got on really well, and then it came to a point where we couldn’t live in the same house together because there was a lot of let’s just say there was a lot of negative emotion from both sides. And so we moved out. And the thing is, I still carried on a lot of that emotion, and I’m sure she did too. And she was doing her own work in her own way, often wasn’t able to see that own work that she was doing because I was so wrapped up in my own stories and and stuck in my own emotion. And I think that kind of goes back to what was my need like I really wanted. My in-laws to accept me exactly how I was to embrace my like little rebellious spirit, my wit, my warmth.

And I just wanted everyone to just love [00:13:00] on each other and just be one big happy family. Like, literally, that’s what I wanted. And when it didn’t work out that way, I made it mean that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t able to fulfill that role that was so important in my life because I wanted for my husband. All he wanted was for me to get on with his mom because the two most important women is in his life. He just wanted them to get on and I felt like I’d failed with that. So food was my outlet, right? I used to go to food to make it better.

Like, you know, on those A&E shifts, there would be biscuits there and they would numb out the pain for a little bit, you know? And so that was my outlet for a bit. And so only through coaching was I able to see that actually I was to the point that you made the real need that I had was to be loved and accepted exactly how I was. And so that inner need, I think that’s really useful to know if any of your listeners are going through something like this, look for like, what [00:14:00] is it that I’m really seeking here and what is the stress response that’s coming up in my body right now and why do I think that is? And that will really help you understand that inner child and what she’s seeking.

[00:14:11] Yes, love that. Can I ask really quick, what is A&E rotation? We don’t call it that. In the US.

[00:14:17] It’s accident and emergency. So we emergency medicine rotation.

[00:14:20] So emergency medicine. Okay. Got it. Got it. Okay. You’re talking about the biscuits, which we would call cookies and immediately thought of Lorna Doone cookies that they they would often have. That’s like this one brand of cookie that is like not even that popular of a cookie. But I feel like so many hospitals, if I ever bring that up, most doctors are like, Oh yeah, the Lorna Doones. They’re always in like the patient, you know, kitchen area and go and go and grab a couple of them. Well, I think what you said there was actually want to make sure we don’t gloss over it because I think it is really the core of what is the problem for a lot of people with their in-laws. Right. There is this need and they may not even be getting it met anywhere else. And [00:15:00] it’s like the do over.

It’s like now I have a new set of parents and my hope is that they treat me this way. And the thing that this is what’s tricky. Occasionally people do hit the lottery and they do find those in-laws. Like on occasion you get lucky and it works out that way. And so when you see if nobody had that experience, we might be like, okay, then why are we even thinking that might happen? But there are people who have this. It is like a do over and it’s like this the most incredible healing experience, having their in-laws in their lives. And then we see that and we go, Why can’t I have that? Why? You know, there’s something wrong with these people. And then we’re like trying to get our husbands to get them to be different. And, you know, and that’s actually one thing I wanted to ask you about is how the, let’s just say, strife there impacted your marriage.

[00:15:51] Oh, my goodness. So Rick and I, it was a love marriage. So it wasn’t a range in the South Asian culture. It could, you know, often if you’re introduced to each other, it may be called an [00:16:00] arranger or an assisted marriage, but ours was a love marriage. We knew each other for a long time beforehand, and I’d already known my in-laws for about eight years before we got married. So we got on then. So I was thinking, Oh my gosh, this is going to be amazing. We’re going to get on think, think.
When things became formal with the engagement and things, that’s when things became a little bit more emotional from both sides. And so Rick is my husband. So my relationship with Rick was I think most of our arguments were to do with my in-laws and how they were acting and they should be different. And I was always a people pleaser. So I would always overaction my way to not feel an emotion. So I didn’t want to feel shame or guilt or anxiety. So during my medical training and during my, you know, like working, I was like, okay, let me do more, let me do more, because that had always worked in the past.

[00:16:51] If I did more, then I could kind of control the environment as much as I could, and then I wouldn’t have to feel this emotion. But in this situation, [00:17:00] it just wasn’t working. I was doing more and I thought that I was trying to do things that I thought would please my mother in law, but it just was not working. And so I felt like I was doing more and more and more and it wasn’t working because I was trying to please her.

She wasn’t being pleased. And so that’s when the resentment started building up. And also that’s when I was having more arguments with my husband to be like, you know, why don’t you step in? Like, can’t you see that this is unfair? Like what’s going on? And also, I felt really sorry for him as well because he was stuck in the middle between the person who’d raised him so his queen and now the person who he loves the most in the world. Like, you know, Like what kind of like.

[00:17:39] Yeah, it’s a tough position to be in.

[00:17:40] Yeah, it really is. And so I felt really bad about that. But also, I felt like he’s the only person who could help solve it. But unfortunately that was a really like, tricky one for us because if we didn’t solve it between my mother in law and I ourselves, then what happened? Like, I’m just saying, mother in law here because that was my situation. But [00:18:00] you know, you can relate it to any in-law relationship if that relates to you. But like when we weren’t solving it between ourselves, my mother in law and I, then my husband would get involved and it would really cause him to feel hugely stressed, hugely anxious, and we just weren’t able to move forward in our lives at all, in our careers, in any other area. And so we just felt very stuck. And it wasn’t a great place to be in, to be honest.

[00:18:26] Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So I mean, I think we’ve touched on a lot of the issues that people, you know, struggle with. I think what you were talking about is like the trying to do more, you know, trying to please like, what if I do this? Maybe the person will be happy and, you know, feeling like you mentioned the resentment. But I think there’s also often a feeling of rejection, too. Like I’m extending this olive branch, so to speak, or, you know, trying to do something nice for you.

And it’s, you know, rejected. It’s easy to start feeling like you’re inadequate, right? Like you’re not good enough [00:19:00] at each. Each of us is not enough. And often the way that we try to distract ourselves from feeling that way because it feels really bad to think that you’re not good enough, you know, it can feel like very shameful and things like that. What will then do is we’ll move into anger because anger feels better, even though it still feels bad. It feels better than shame, right? We’d rather it be the other person’s fault. Then there’s something actually wrong with us.

And so that intense anger that we have, you know, against, you know, the other person in this case, in-laws, I think often is just covering up or like a cover emotion, so to speak, for what’s really going on, which is what if they’re actually right or what if me not being able to get the response that I want from them means something bad about me. And this stuff is deep work. And what I love is that it, like so many different things, end up coming back to this, right? You’re like, I just want to lose some weight. And you’re like, And in the process, I healed this thing that I. I’m guessing you thought was [00:20:00] unhealable, right? Like it was just going to be your life and forever, right?

[00:20:05] Yeah, I definitely thought it was unhealable. And I definitely thought that nothing I did would change that. And I felt very helpless. And I think that’s the way I felt in my weight loss journey as well. Like I tried everything under the sun previously and felt very helpless. And so that’s why I felt that this gave me some control in. An uncontrollable situation, if that makes sense, because I couldn’t control her even though I tried so hard. Like I tried all this time to try and control her and it did not work. And so one of the things that I teach my clients is if I can’t control the other person or if you can’t control the other person, how do you want to show up?

And I realized for me, I wanted to show up as calm and confident and not like interested in the drama. And when I was able to show up like that, because previously how I showed up was a little bit closed, a little bit like distant, a little bit like I wasn’t interested in what they were saying [00:21:00] because I was trying to protect myself. That was my protective barrier. When I was able to show up how I wanted to show up, then I was able to be that warm, loving person, even when I didn’t agree with what she was saying. Like she would still come into my house and she would say things that I felt were inappropriate. And that didn’t change the way I was with her, because I was then taking responsibility for how I wanted to show up regardless of what she was saying. And I felt that gave me my power back. And so then I didn’t feel as helpless or even rejected because I was no longer rejecting myself.

[00:21:34] Yeah, that’s super powerful. That’s a skill to develop, right? To be able to be around other people who are behaving in ways that you would maybe prefer they didn’t and still being okay. You know, in the US right now, you know, like political divisions are a really huge thing and you know people finding amongst family right like that somebody you know comes over, maybe it’s the in-laws or whoever else comes over [00:22:00] who has a differing political opinion and feels very comfortable, you know, expressing that.

And it can be very hard for people to maintain their composure and really show up the way that they want to. And that’s exactly what you’re talking about here, is is thinking about less, about like they’re wrong. They should be different instead going, how can I be sort of like right in the sense of right by me? How can I take good care of me, meet my own needs, and make this still at least a somewhat pleasant experience? Like, I don’t have to be miserable in the presence of this person completely.

[00:22:33] And what came up for me then is I was able to go inwards and think, okay, when she’s saying these things about my house being untidy or my parenting or like what I’m making in terms of food or anything like that, whenever she’s saying these things, why am I getting triggered by this? So instead of focusing on her and she’s wrong and everything like that, when I was able to look at, okay, what’s being triggered within me and [00:23:00] how can I deal with that bit, Because when she was saying my house was untidy, she wasn’t trying to be mean.
She was just trying to say, hey, I think that, you know, I just want my my son and my daughter in law to have a clean house. That was her intention. But my intention was I was like, how dare you go to my house to tell me it’s untidy, right? So when I was able to look at my reaction to that, I was able to see I really longed for a really clean house. And sometimes it just got on top of me and I wasn’t able to do that. So when I was able to be vulnerable and talk to my husband about it and say, Look, I’m not able to manage with all of this by myself, can we come up with some sort of system to divide the chores and figure things out? It enabled me to work on that core issue for myself.

[00:23:42] Yeah, Not because you want her to no longer make comments about your home, but because it’s kind of like, why does her saying that she still does. She still does even when.

[00:23:51] We’ve done this.

[00:23:52] So it’s like, why does her saying that or pointing that out feel so bad? Probably because part of you agrees and that is what [00:24:00] you know, agrees and is not okay with it. Because if you were okay with it, you’d be like, Yeah, she’s right. We’re all in agreement here and.

[00:24:07] I think I want to be okay with that. And I had to say that as well to myself. She’s right. And so when I could see the truth in what she was saying, it enabled me to be vulnerable and be like I needed to drop down a little bit like my defense guard. That not naturally came up. I had to lower that down and be like, Yeah, you’re right. So when she said There’s no salt in the food, I’d be like, Yeah, you’re right. But I’d be like, I’m giving you the food and you’re not even like, you know, you should be grateful. And all of this. And now was like, Yeah, you’re right.

Like, just literally just yesterday she said to me, Oh, it was too salty, so couldn’t have it too much. Was like, Ma, yeah, you’re right. It did have too much salt. I didn’t try it. So and it was like, fine. It wasn’t even a big deal. And that’s when I was like, I’m going to mention this on the podcast because the thing is, she hasn’t changed. Like in the way she is. She’s still done her own inner work. She still like manages her own emotions in her way, but she’s still like responding in the way that I used [00:25:00] to get triggered by. And now I don’t because I am looking at okay, so actually, how can I look after myself through this? And she’s welcome to be wrong about me.

[00:25:10] Like I’m not lazy or I’m not like, you know, whatever she may think. But also, how can I look after me through this? Because prior to meeting her, during meeting her and after meeting her, how can I really, like, stabilize my nervous system? How can I anticipate? What are the nervous system triggers that are going to come up for me and how can I look after myself in that moment? That is something that has really helped me. So like, for example, prior to seeing her, I may go for a walk or I may go for a meditation or I may kind of do an exercise routine so that I feel like I’ve gotten that energy out that like, you know, anxious energy.

And then during the time, if I feel like I’m getting a little bit like triggered, I may go to the bathroom and take some deep breaths or I may like excuse myself from the situation and, you know, just take some time. And afterwards I may do a thought download and be like, okay, these are the things [00:26:00] that I felt, you know, triggered me a little bit. I wonder why. Let me dive a little bit deeper into that. And that’s when I was able to see like, Oh, I can really nourish myself and really look after myself. Even when, you know, she’s going to be saying things that I don’t like.

[00:26:14] Yeah, I think it really is a relationship, particularly when you see the person frequently and you don’t have to to still be able to do this work. But it’s the opportunity to build skills on how to be present with someone that you don’t always have the smoothest relationship with without running away and avoiding and hiding. Sometimes we’re like, Well, we’re just going to create a boundary and like, we’re just not going to do it. I mean, years and years ago, I remember I actually was in a Pilates class with a woman, and she is was quite a bit older than me. Her children were older, and she made a comment about how she didn’t like her in-laws.

And so she had just decided, you know, she just wasn’t going to see them. And like no judgment against that at the time was kind of like, oh, wow, you could do that. I didn’t even know that was like a thing someone could do. But then I remember a couple of years later, then [00:27:00] she got divorced. And I’m not saying the two are related at all. They may not be at all. I mean, I can’t even, you know, make that that connection. I don’t know well enough. But I did think to myself, I’m like, oh, that’s interesting, though, right? Like, like there are consequences to what we do. Like I said, we have I have no idea if that is was actually related, but, you know, kind of this idea of like sometimes I think we can over boundary ourselves where we’re like, well, the whole boundary is that I’m just never going to see you ever again, even if there is some sort of downside or impact on the relationship.

[00:27:33] Because the whole reason they’re in your life is because of the person you married. So if you want if you love that person and you want a strong relationship, it would make sense to try to come up with some sort of, you know, way of smoothing that out and interacting in some way. I think it can it can be like a thinking of it as like a class you’re taking on how to improve relations with people or, you know, like how to even be able to speak up for yourself. I think one thing that [00:28:00] also comes up is as people age, many of them, not everybody by any stretch, but many of them, particularly women, I think, decide that they’re just going to say what they think. They’re going to stop tempering it.

You know, they’re like, I’m done with trying to protect everybody’s feelings and I’m just going to come out and I’m just going to say what’s true. And then those of us who are behind them are like, Can you even believe it? That is the most offensive thing. Who would ever say that? I would never say that. And I feel like as I get older, I’m kind of like, understand that a little bit more, right? Like understanding. It’s not meant to be. Well, maybe it is meant to be hurtful in some cases, but, you know, if it hurts. There’s some part of us that agrees. There’s some part of us that is like there’s something there that’s unmet. And we are then invited to look into that further and not just, you know, decide that the reason we feel bad is because they’re a horrible person.

[00:28:55] I think so many of my clients don’t speak up initially because they’re people pleasing [00:29:00] and they’re like so used to all the sign of a good woman is someone who does this for everyone else, who is always open, who’s always ready to drop everything for especially for her in-laws or her mom or her parents or, you know, her friends, her husband, kids. And actually, when women start doing this work, they may realize that, oh, actually, I’ve got to like do some self-care before I can give myself to everyone else.

And actually self-care isn’t selfish. It’s actually replenishing and it enables me to show up better in all of these relationships. So when they realize that, they’re like, Oh, maybe I don’t need to say yes to everything and maybe I can speak up, but also I don’t need to do it in a very like, uh, angry way. Like, this is a fight.

[00:29:42] Yeah.

[00:29:43] Exactly. Yeah, it could just be. You know what? I’m going to say this thing and also, I’m going to allow the other person to have emotion because they may have emotions. In fact, they probably will have emotions about what I’m saying, because they also have a primitive brain that wants them to seek pleasure, avoid [00:30:00] pain and stay how they are. And so when you are doing something out of the ordinary, where you are speaking up for yourself, even if it’s in the most loving way, their primitive brain is going to be like, This is dangerous. This is out of the ordinary. What’s going on? Let me like react.

And so if you can anticipate that ahead of time, that, yes, they may react. Yes, they may like have emotions, big emotions, but that is not on you. It’s because they are having a reaction to this. It’s okay, this is expected. Then you can kind of like prep yourself for a little bit and you can also like form very loving boundaries, like where you can say what you want and you can say no but from a very loving place. Whereas before, if you’re used to just saying yes to everything, then that may come across as like mean or out of the ordinary to the other person. And it’s okay for them to have emotions about.

[00:30:53] Absolutely. Wow, this is so good. I love it because this is I feel like that sort of that ultimate [00:31:00] relationship thing where it’s like all the rules apply except the in-laws. Right. I love that this is a specific course like that. You take people through. Would you please share with our listeners if they want some more help from you on in-law relationships, how they can find out more?

[00:31:18] Yes, of course. So this was like a really personal one for me because I was like, I really want to help people with their relationship with their in-laws, particularly with their mother in laws, because that’s where my work. I really did some deep work on this and I actually continue to do this work every day. But I just feel like I’m at this place where I’m so much better. Before what we used to hate being in the room with each other and now we go on holidays together. Things are fine. We go on walks together. We you know, it’s amazing. So I decided to create a course. It’s a 12 week course on how to get on with your mother in law without her changing and without her changing is because a lot of people think she needs to change for me to feel better. Right. And actually, she may be doing her [00:32:00] work. She may be changing, but you don’t need her to do anything for you to feel better. And that feel is so powerful.

So I created this course. It’s a 12 week course and then with live coaching and I feel that this is really going to help people to start healing their relationship with their in-laws without them changing just so that they can feel better. And it enriches the lives of then of their partners, of their children and the wider community, because it doesn’t have to be a taboo or you can’t get on with your mother in law’s or your in-laws. It can actually be a place where you get on. And even if you’ve had a really turbulent relationship, my clients and I, we have had turbulent relationships with our in-laws and now we can say we’re on the other side where we still have those triggers initially, but now we have the tools to deal with them and it feels so much better.

[00:32:51] Amazing. And so how can they find more information about that?

[00:32:54] Yeah, so I’m enrolling on the course in a couple of months. So if you would like to get on the waitlist, [00:33:00] you can go to amruticoaching.com/mil.

[00:33:07] Okay, perfect. Wonderful. That’s so easy. Okay, so Amruti, thank you so much for your time with me today. I know this is going to help so many people and I just appreciate you coming on and talking about this.

[00:33:19] Thank you so much, Katrina. It’s such an honor to be here. And I hope it helps so many people around the world. I think my purpose is to help so many people with this specific topic, and I’m so honored to be able to do that. So thank you for having me on.

[00:33:34] Absolutely. Ready to start making progress on your weight loss goals? For lots of free help, go to katrinaubellmd.com and click on Free Resources.