Ep #328: Letting Go of What You Thought Was Real

Welcome to the Weight Loss for Busy Physicians podcast. I'm your host, master Certified life and weight loss coach, Katrina Ubell, M.D. This is the podcast where busy doctors like you come to learn how to lose weight for the last time by harnessing the power of your mind. If you're looking to overcome your stress, eating and exhaustion and move into freedom around food, you're in the right place. Hello there, my friend. Welcome to today's podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me. I'm also glad that I'm getting this podcast recorded last couple of days.

You know, you get that feeling in your throat, like deep down in your throat where you're like, Oh, it kind of hurts. And it kind of feels inflamed. And, you know, a virus is on its way. That's about where I'm at AM right now. So I thought, I need to get this episode recorded before I lose my voice. If you have been listening to this podcast for any length of time, you may recall that at the end of last year I went through a period where I really just had a lot of vocal issues and lost my voice for over a week and it took a long time to come back and I do not want to replicate that, especially your listening experience. I don't want to replicate that for you. So I'm glad that I can fit this in, get this one recorded, and then we'll just kind of see what happens.

I should probably just take some vitamin C and rest, make sure I'm drinking lots of fluids right. And just take good care of myself. So. So I'm really excited about today's episode. I actually had something different planned and I like to remain flexible. I like to allow some space for inspiration when I come up with my podcast topics. And I think this was maybe two days ago that I got this inspiration, I thought maybe I'll do that this week instead. And so let me tell you a little bit about what my inspiration was. So those who are in the weight Loss for Doctors Only program, they may recall me talking about this, but it's new. I think to the podcast.

I don't think I've talked about it here. There is an app that I like to use that. I'm not saying that you should necessarily go by or anything, but just to share about it. It's called the I Am app, just I am and it's an affirmations app and it's something that was recommended to me by somebody. This is not something typically I would do a lot with. To be 100% honest. I have totally, thoroughly enjoyed this app. You even have to pay for it. It's like, I love this app. I think you get maybe two weeks for free or something, but you get to personalize it a lot. And what I've really loved is that you can use it in lots of ways so you can let it know different categories of affirmations that you want to see on your phone and you can let it know how often you want to be reminded of them.

You can set all sorts of different settings so you can get like notifications on your phone. I have like a widget set up on my phone, so the same thing pops up on just like the main screen of my phone. And then on the lock screen, you know, on the iPhone, there's those I don't even know what they call them. Now there's like these little extra things you can add. So right from the lock screen, you can see like the weather or whatever, Well, you can make it so that it posts a little something for you there too. I don't stress myself out about it. I don't make it a big deal. You can also add your own affirmations. I didn't mention that, so you can really adjust a ton of different things. But I do find that it is not uncommon for exactly what I need to hear or see to pop up on that phone or for it to be something that's like super meaningful. And every single time something pops up, do I even pay any attention? There's definitely times where I'm just like, not looking at that. But there are definitely times where I find it to be helpful and it's just like a good reminder of what I want to be thinking, essentially.

So when we're working on changing our thinking, it can be hard to remember, right, to be aware of our thinking and change it. So I find it to be helpful. So a couple of days ago, one affirmation popped up and I took a screenshot of it and I'm going to actually ask my podcast production team to put a photo of the like the the screenshot into the show notes page for you, which you can get@katrina.com forward slash 3 to 8. You can see it if you want to with my like my pretty backdrop that I've chosen from the app.

But what it said just really hit home to me really resonated with me and a lot of ways and I want to share with you the perspective that I have on it and why I think you should know about it. And what it said was one of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of what you thought was real. One of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of what you thought was real. And I think this shows up in our lives in so many different ways, like way more than most of us even understand or realize or see. And so I wanted to talk to you about that today because there's the obvious kind of way of taking this.

And then there's a different way of approaching it that I want to share with you. So the more obvious way of approaching this is that kind of like you thought it was one way and then what was really real is something you're not happy with, right? So that is often something that's very, very painful for us. So here are some examples of times when this has happened for clients of mine, friends of mine, people that I've known, not giving any, you know, specific details about my own life experiences, but let's just say this sort of woven in as well. So what this would look like is a friendship that was super meaningful to you.

And then feeling like, Wait, shoot, now that I know that you really think this or you're really doing these things, and I wasn't aware of that. Like, it really does change things and it can be super painful, right? It can be super painful. When you thought a person was a certain way, you thought you knew them and then you find out the truth. You know, that's one of those hardest things to do in life is letting go of what you thought was real. You thought that friend was what was real, what you saw that friend. And then you find out what's actually real. And that can be really painful. We have to let go of that and can be so painful. Another version of this that I've coached on so many different permutations of this is a more intimate relationship, whether it's a partnership or a marriage or a dating relationship, where one person finds out that the other person has been hiding something, essentially.

Right? So maybe they've been cheating, they've been unfaithful in some way, maybe they've been using drugs and the other partner didn't know about it. Maybe there was some sort of secret addiction going on. Common things are gambling or looking at pornography. So you thought that your relationship was one way. You thought that was real. And actually, behind the scenes, without your knowledge, there was something else going on. And so what you thought was real is not actually what's real.
It can be super, super, super painful, right? Another painful experience is thinking that a promotion or, you know, the opportunity to buy into a practice is a total given. Right? You thought or maybe we're even told or promised. Yeah, for sure this is going to be yours. You're going to be able to have it. And then finding out maybe even at the 11th hour. Oh, actually, no, you're not going to get that. It can be very, very painful because what you thought was real was the promotion, you know, that that was going to be yours or the buy in was going to be yours. And you find out it's not true. And that is something, you know, it's it's that adjustment that we have that can be so difficult.

Right? Needing to adjust to the reality when we thought there was a different reality. So that is something that I mean these situations I've have found that coaching can just be so incredibly helpful for, first of all, for processing the pain of it, which is nothing minor at all because so many of us don't know how to actually effectively process our emotions, particularly our painful ones. What we tend to do is we try to avoid them, We react, you know, we're yelling, we're really grouchy. The people we love. Maybe we're eating or drinking more than we'd like to. We're overworking. We're doing like anything we can to just avoid how we're feeling.

And what we can create in a coaching environment is an environment where what's actually emotionally true can be processed, which is super, super healing, and then helping with the decision of what to do moving forward. You know, it's kind of like, okay, well what now? So if that's true, you know, working toward acceptance, not meaning that you have to like it at all or think it's right, but less of the resistance that's so painful. And then getting help figuring out what the next steps are in your life in order to move forward. That's, you know, done this so much with so many of my clients. And of course my coaching team has as well. So that's kind of the more typical thing I think people would think of when they read.

One of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of what you thought was real. But there's also a reverse version of this. And what I mean by that is it's also really, really hard to let go of what we think is real that is actually holding us back. So I'm talking about things that are actually just like a figment of our imagination. We think it's true, we think it's real, and we allow that to hold us back from what we actually want in our lives. So here's some examples. Oh my gosh, so many times have I coached on this. They would never consider me for the promotion. Right?
And then finding out like so maybe then you think nobody. They would never consider you for the promotion. Then somebody mentions to you, Hey, we should put your hat in the ring for that promotion. I have coached so many people on having a hard time letting go of what they thought was true, which is they never consider me. So then I don't have to put myself out there can feel actually very, very scary to let go of what you thought was real. If what you thought was real was emotionally protective. Right? Like don't have to put myself out there. I don't have to risk rejection, maybe even public rejection. I don't have to worry about being embarrassed or humiliated or, you know, exposed in some way.

If what I think is real is they never consider me, then I don't even have to put myself out there. And that can actually feel, you know, safer, a lot more security. So it can be hard to let go of that supposed reality for the truth, which is, no, you have just as much of a right as anybody else to put your hat in the ring to ask for that promotion. I've coached so many people who've had a similar situation to this, put their hat in the ring and got the promotion and they're just completely shocked, completely completely shocked. But if they couldn't get over and process through letting go of what they thought was real, they wouldn't have been able to create that experience for them.

Another example is thinking, I'm not as competent or smart or well-spoken or up to date on the latest research or data as my colleagues or partners. Thinking that you're somehow less than this might also sound as imposter syndrome to some people. Which did another episode on that. I'm not even sure what episode it was, but I'm sure if you just Google imposter syndrome weight loss for busy Physicians or Katrina Bell podcast, it'll come up. And and so this is a really, really common thing that we think that this is just the truth. We think it's real, that we're not as competent or smart or well-spoken or up to date, right? Our fund of knowledge isn't where it should be.

We think this is just true and we have a hard time letting it go. I sometimes have found it so fascinating when someone comes to me for coaching and they are telling me basically trying to convince me essentially of why they're a bad person or a bad mother or, you know, that something is really wrong with them. And, you know, one would think that if you had thoughts like that and then someone let you know, hey, you know what? You were actually confused and you're actually wrong about that. That's not true at all.
You're actually amazing and completely, fully valuable, perfectly imperfect in every way you are just amazing that we would be like, Oh my gosh, really? Thanks. The best news ever. And instead we don't have that response or that reaction. Do we know? We dig in deeper into our beliefs that what's really true and real is that there's something really wrong with us? Oh, you must not have heard me. Here's some more evidence to support. Why think that I'm a terrible person or somehow less than right? It's so interesting. It can be very, very hard to let go of what we think is real. Even when it's something that's creating a lot of pain for us. Another thought is there's a hierarchy here and I'm too low on the pole to ask for what I want.

You know, this is such a common thing. Another one is I'm going to have to leave where I work in order for things to get better. If I want things to get better, I'm going to have to go somewhere else and thinking that that's real and that's true. I just recently spoke to a former client. I had coached her on changing jobs and, you know, lots of discussion on what to do. And then I saw her at a speaking event and I said, oh, hey, you know, whatever ended up happening, did you end up moving? And she goes, No, you know what? I went to my department chair and just said, Hey, look, this is what I need and want to stay here.

And that person said, okay, like, was like, what? She's like, Yes. All I had to do was ask for what I wanted. I was like, Oh, man, isn't that the most incredible lesson? We think that things are just not possible for us, that we have to blow our whole lives up. Also, maybe she would have had to move. You know, that's a real possibility. But then someone else actually shared that she really needed her call schedule to be different. So she finally was in such a bad state about it. She went and talked to her boss and the boss was like, Yeah, okay, cool, we can do that.

And then within a couple of months, the whole department switched to what she had proposed because everybody wanted to benefit from it. That's what happens when we let go of what we think is real. If what we think is real is that people won't give us what we want, they're going to think terrible things about us. They're going to think we're weak and whiny and complaining and we should just get over it and buckle down and stop complaining. We think that that's real and we have to let that go. It can be a very, very hard thing to let go of. Okay. The way you'll find out if it's true is by actually asking for what you want. You know, deciding for yourself. You know what?
How do I know that it's true that I'm incompetent or not well-spoken enough or don't know enough? Like, what am I interpre editing What's happening around me that my the meaning my brain assigns to it is that somehow I'm not measuring up and making the decision that you're not going to make it mean that anymore, purely because it makes you feel terrible and it doesn't help you to do better. Thinking that you're not competent enough generally does not make you more competent. Thinking you're not smart enough does not make you do whatever you need to do to become smarter or to become more well-spoken. Right? Thinking you're not up to date enough on the latest research or data.

I haven't found that that belief makes anybody dig in to the data to become more up to date. Know what it makes you do is sit there and feel terrible about yourself and judge yourself and find more evidence for why you suck compared to other people. Not helpful at all. So is what I'm saying. One of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of what you thought was real. So now let's talk about this in the realm of weight loss and overeating. Okay. Using food to solve for your emotional problems. Another thought we so many people have, it's not possible for me to lose weight. It's not possible for me to stop overeating. People like me can't have that.

My body shape means I'll always be bigger than I like. It's just my genetics. There's no hope for me because I'm too old, right? Everyone gains 15 pounds during menopause. This is a one that I have debunked for a lot of people. So many people? Absolutely not. Do you have to gain 15 pounds during menopause? You know, so many people believe it's real that losing weight equals feeling restricted, deprived, feeling overly hungry or starving all the time, being in agony, feeling so frustrated. Right. That it's unhealthy. The reality is it's unhealthy to try to lose weight. You wouldn't believe how many people come after me. How dare you spend any time telling people they should lose weight? Well, first of all, I don't tell anybody they should lose weight.

I don't care at all what somebody weighs. But I do know that there's a lot of people who feel really, really bad about their weight and would really feel a lot more comfortable living in a different size body. And my job is to help them to understand that that is actually available to them, not because they'll be a better person, not because they'll be, you know, viewed differently or anything like that. Not because they're succumbing to diet culture, but because every single person gets to decide what's best for them. Right.
But this is actually the most fascinating thing, is that people get very upset when there is a non diet culture, very supportive and healing method to dropping the struggle with overeating, finding peace and freedom around food and creating a body weight that you feel comfortable in, that's terrible. But if there is a shot that you can take every week, all in, no problem, we have no problems with that whatsoever. I see so much in the papers like promoting these medications. There's even somebody who pulled a quote from one of my podcasts like a journalist to put into some sort of article. Didn't never even saw the article. I don't know what it was. It's just so interesting how people view different things differently. It's a miracle drug, but we don't want to look at other options as a miracle as well.

That's an aside. The point is that our job to let go of these supposed realities, these quote-unquote realities that hold us back and keep us stuck. I understand that you may have data and research and, you know, just experience and evidence from your personal life. And I want to tell you that I don't care. I've seen so many people go against all of that, myself included, to create something different. Just because your brain believes it's true does not mean it's real. Okay.

So if you're in a place where you're open to letting go, doing that hard work of letting go of what you think is real so that you can create what you want in your life, so you can create a different experience with food and maybe alcohol to create a different experience of living in your body. Then I want to invite you to consider the weight loss for doctors only program, where in enrollment right now, you can check out all the details about the program by going to Katrina, md.com/info info. I want to invite you to just check it out, right? If you're willing to do that hard work of letting go of what you thought was real. So that you can get the thing that you want in your life so you can move past the struggle and this issue. We're open to help you. Okay. We start in May and is going to be so great.

So, so, so excited. And just by the way, FYI, in case you missed this, we do have study data on our program and it shows that our program is just slightly less effective than semaglutide plus lifestyle changes. Okay, So almost as effective as Ozempic and Wegovy and Manjaro and all that stuff plus lifestyle changes. So if you're wondering if this works, yeah, it does actually work. We're in the process of working on getting the data published in a peer reviewed journal.
It's the real deal. We're not making this stuff up. Mean it. Okay, so just one more time. If you're interested in checking out more about how coaching can help you, go to Katrina, md.com/info. Like I said, we're going to be closing enrollment pretty soon, so check that out very soon. I want to encourage you to do that hard work to consider that what you thought was real might not be real and be willing to let that go in favor of creating something bigger and better for yourself in the future. It really is possible. Have a great rest of your week. Thank you so much for being here. I love and appreciate you so much and I'll talk to you next week. Take care. Bye bye. Ready to start making progress on your weight loss goals. For lots of free help, go to katrinaubellmd.com and click on Free resources.