If you could ask your future self one thing, what would it be?
Have you ever thought to ask her for help in times of need? What would she do?
In this episode, Laura Conley shares her experiences with body image, weight loss, and how her future self helped her lose weight for the last time.
If you’ve never heard the term “future self” before, or you’re not sure how to use it or what it has to do with weight loss, don’t worry. Laura explains it all in this episode.
Laura Conley is a Certified Life and Weight Loss Coach. Laura helps mamas who have been painfully struggling with diet drama to lose weight for the last time and free themselves from food forever. She is on a maniacal mission to do this so that her clients can pass down a beautiful legacy to their children around food and bodies, weigh what they want, and live the life they have always dreamed of without the weight in the way. She does this by coaching her clients on how to balance their hunger hormones, rewire their brains, handle emotions, and become their own bestie.
Listen To The Episode Here:
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In Today’s Episode, You’ll Learn:
- The cultural messaging that we receive about our bodies
- Changing the way you speak to yourself
- Learning how to listen to your body and give it what it needs
- Why you should try thinking about your future self
- How to set realistic expectations for yourself
- Asking your future self for advice
- The role of your future self in losing weight for the last time
I’m so excited to have Laura on the podcast to share her brain with all of us. I love her approach to life and weight loss and I’m grateful for the reminder to get in touch with my future self. I hope you enjoy this episode!
If you want to learn more about what Laura does, go to lauraconley.com or shoot her a message on Instagram to let her know what you thought of the episode!
If you’ve read my book, How to Lose Weight for the Last Time: Brain-Based Solutions for Permanent Weight Loss, it would mean the world to me if you would leave me a review letting other readers know what you thought! Click here to leave a review on Amazon.
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Ep #329: Downshifting to Increase Life Satisfaction with Natalie Bacon, JD, CFP, Certified Life Coach
Ep #328: Letting Go of What You Thought Was Real
Get The Full Episode Transcript
Read the Transcript Below:
Welcome to the Weight Loss for Busy Physicians podcast. I'm your host, master Certified life and weight loss coach, Katrina Ubell, M.D. This is the podcast where busy doctors like you come to learn how to lose weight for the last time by harnessing the power of your mind. If you're looking to overcome your stress, eating and exhaustion and move into freedom around food, you're in the right place. Hey there, my friend. Welcome to today's episode. I have a really fun interview for you. I know that I love listening to people just have a conversation. Some of my favorite, favorite podcasts are ones where, you know, 2 or 3 people are just having conversation about various different things.
And today's podcast, I think, is a treat for you. So I invited Laura Connelly on. She is also a life and weight loss coach. She is the host of the Yummy Mummy podcast and she just does some amazing life and weight loss coaching, particularly for moms. And we just had the best conversation about all things relating to weight loss, but particularly future self work. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're definitely going to want to listen. If you do know what I'm talking about, it's going to be a good refresher and maybe some additional new information for you as well. We just had a lot of fun. She's just a real fun, fun person and we could have gone much longer. But I decided to reel us in just for the sake of brevity for you. But I hope you will enjoy this. I really think you will. And I will talk to you next week. Have a good one and please enjoy. Hey Laura, thank you so much for being on the podcast. So glad to have you here.
I'm so glad you're having me. This is so fun.
This is so fun, so great. So let's just start off with you kind of introducing yourself. What's your story? How did we get here today?
Of course. Okay, so my name is Laura Connelly and I'm a life and weight loss coach similar to Katrina, and I am the founder and CEO of the Yummy Mummy and the host of the Yummy Mummy podcast. And I was a coach. I've been a coach for like ten years or something crazy at this point, but didn't really get into the weight loss space until like 5 or 6 years ago. When the story goes, I had my baby, my first baby, who's now almost six, and I was like 6 or 8 weeks postpartum and I got out of the shower. I'm leaning over. I'm like butt naked, like toweling off. And I start hearing the very familiar talk track of me beating me up for the way that my body looked, which is, of course, just the conditioning that I got from our culture, unfortunately. So you had.
Already had a history of doing that before you even had babies?
Oh, yeah. Like I, I think it probably started when I was like 13, 14, 15 and became aware that it was important in our culture to look a certain way, or at least the culture that I grew up in. And it was no fault of my mom, actually, I think she was very much before her time in what she taught in our house. But I still got that cultural conditioning that if you look a certain way, that means you have a certain level of worth, which I'm not proud to admit. But I also don't really think it's my fault, nor any of our faults. Right.
And it's the truth. It was it was your experience, right? Like that's what happened.
Yeah, totally. So I think I started I mean, I'm 15, 14 years old, started to notice that it mattered. And that's when I started, like, heavily restricting. And I was able to, like, quote unquote, control it. I mean, but I mean, all enter all the disordered eating. I don't think it was a full eating disorder and my friends were all on board with it. If anything, I was like the most normal one. Normal? Yeah. Yeah. There was about 20 years of total yo yoing, so I was either starving myself and look the way that I wanted, but I couldn't hold on to it. So then I would throw in the towel and then eat all the things. But then I would feel like crap. I just wouldn't feel good in my body. So I'm leaning over toweling off my baby's like six weeks old at this point. This is my first baby. And I hear myself just berating myself like, Why can't I get it together? It's six weeks, which is so crazy at this point.
I'm like, It takes like, at least a year. Yeah. You know, it's just like this sort of disgust and disdain that I'm talking to myself and I sort of had of like, out of this body experience. And I was like, That's it. I was like, I was like, That is it. This is the last time I speak this way to myself. Because I knew in that moment that if that continued to be the way that I spoke to myself, that that would be the way that my daughter, only six weeks old at that point would talk to herself. And I knew that I could do the right things and say the right things. But she saw me watching myself in the mirror. She was still going to pick it up like those little kids are. So I don't even think it's our kids start acting the way that we act. I really think they think the way that we think.
Yeah, they pick up on the energy of it. So you know, that that look or just the way you kind of like pick at your shirt or, you know, just kind of like a. Putting something on and having like a, you know, totally.
So in that moment, it was sort of like, again, I feel like it was like the spiritual, like out-of-body moment. It was a decision that I was done with it and of course did my brain try to berate me again or beat me up again? Yes. But I felt like having that clear decision, that line in the sand made it easier for me to stop it when it did start. And am I perfect now as an example to my daughter? Like, no, but that's a whole nother podcast. But in that moment I was like, You know what? I'm not only going to stop talking to myself this way, I'm also going to solve this once and for all. I also am going to like your tagline, and you know, I say it all the time too. I'm going to lose weight for the last time and love my body because I think that there's this misinformation out there that it's one or the other.
I'm like, Why can't we have both? Why can't I weigh what I want to weigh and love my body? And by me weighing what I want to weigh and going down that path, that doesn't mean I don't love my body. In fact, that means I love my body because I'm actually listening to that inner voice, because I think so many times when I was just eating, quote unquote, whatever I wanted or whatever my lower brain wanted me to eat, that wasn't me loving myself. But I would lie to myself and tell myself, Oh, no, this is my intuition, this is what I need. And it really wasn't. And so I think that when we do have a deep desire to weigh what we want to weigh, honoring that desire and listening to that desire is an act of self love. So that was the beginning of my mission, to really love myself and to also weigh what I wanted to weigh.
So wait, can I just pause you for a second? So you were already coach, though, at this point.
Was already coach at this point.
So. Okay. And I just want to mention that because like you're like, I just noticed this thought that I had and I decided I was going to stop and I'm like, okay, but the average person is like, what? Or like, maybe they one day were like, I shouldn't be like that. And then like, the next day they forgot. So you already had several years of coaching, knowledge, experience, practice, helping people in other ways, and then you realized, Oh, weird, I'm totally doing this with my body. Okay, totally.
Well, I knew that this was my issue. Like for the whole 20 years that I was struggling, I knew it was my issue. But up until that point, I had sort of accepted defeat. I sort of had been like, This is just going to be my struggle. Like, there's actually no solve for it. And I know you talk about it and I talk about it, too, but I was introduced to Brooke Castillo in 2016, a year before I had my baby. And at that point I was pregnant. And I knew she had figured out the weight thing for herself. And I just was not interested because I was like pregnant. And I just wasn't. Wasn't on your radar. Yeah, wasn't on my radar. So part of me says, like, like I got lucky because the, the way that I cracked the code, the way that I lost weight for the last time was through her work, for sure.
She gets so much credit. It was also through. A lot of the mindfulness and yoga, which is in my background too, which is what I did full time for a long, long time. So it's kind of like I blended the two to create the solution for myself and then eventually my clients. But yeah, so that's a little bit of, of the story. I mean, I really can't believe that like this is possible. Like, I can't believe that we did this like and that all of our clients have done this. Like it still blows my mind because for so long I believed that there was not a solution to this and that it was I was just going to be yo yoing for the rest of my life. And you know what? It's not so bad, Laura. Like you have a pretty great life, right?
If this is the cross you need to bear. Yeah, exactly. It could be a lot worse, which is true. I mean, yes, it's true that it could be a lot worse. But it's also a lie to tell ourselves that we're just destined for it to be this way or there's no other way. It's just going to be this way. So just get over it and accept it. Like, I mean, that's one option, but it's not the only option and it's a legitimate option. Like it's okay if someone wants to pick that, but it's also not the truth to just tell ourselves like there's just no other option at all. You kind of sped ahead a little bit. So you had the baby, you had the moment in the bathroom, you're like, Yeah, okay, I'm not doing this anymore.
Talk a little bit more about like what that process was like, though, because like, when you have 20 years of thinking a certain way, maybe even more years and treating yourself a certain way and having a certain relationship with food and everything like that doesn't just like turn on a dime. So, you know, people love to hear people's stories, but particularly the parts where it was hard, you know, or where they stumbled or, you know, it didn't work. And then they had to figure something else out. So because I just can't believe that it would be that you're like, you know what? And then just like, did some things and then, boom, I'm cured. You know, we're like, What? No.
I'm so good at summarizing it now, like, so. Okay. So let me take myself back to those moments because I did decide in that moment, right, that I wasn't going to beat myself. And then I was I wanted to lose the baby weight anyways, right? But I also wanted to solve the the lifelong at that point struggle. So it went hand in hand. And I had always been of the school of thought of like, you need to punish yourself, you need to beat yourself up in order to lose weight. Like that was my motivation. Like, you're not good enough until you weigh this. And so it went hand in hand.
That was the moment. I don't know if it was exactly six weeks or eight weeks or whatever it was. I was like, okay, I'm actually ready to just start losing weight. And so, I mean, it went slower than my diet brain thought it should be. Like, of course I wanted to lose like 3 pounds a week, or at least at the beginning. It should be like, you know, 5 pounds a week. And so I think I struggled with that at the beginning, which was something, of course, you know, I'm guessing you and I both teach our clients. Is that the fastest way to lose weight for the last time is to let it be slow, right? So I think I struggled with that. I also was dedicated to not starving myself.
Like actually meeting your body's needs.
Yes. Like actually eating nutrients. So that was actually kind of scary at first for me. Like, okay, I'm going to lose weight for the last time. I'm going to love myself through it and I'm going to eat. I was breastfeeding too, so I was like, you know, I cared about getting nutrient dense meals and getting what I needed. And so that was a little scary, actually, for me to eat like real full meals. When you've been.
You've always like the way you've always lost weight is by totally restricting and eating like whatever one meal a day or something. Yeah, yeah, I can see that. I can see that for sure.
So I felt like I struggled with that a little bit, but that was only scary at first. I still remember when you're like, Tell us the bad parts. And I'm like, Oh, I'm going to tell you some more good parts. I do remember, though, okay, I'm just going to trust this process. Like I'm not in a rush. Again, I, I had had Brooke as my coach for the past year as like kind of a life coach. And now I was utilizing her as a weight loss coach. And so because I trusted her, because what she taught me and I think that this is for you and me both with our podcast, I think a lot of people come into our programs already knowing and liking and trusting, and so they get results faster because they're like, okay, well, the other thing that she said actually did work, so I was bought in to what she was teaching. And so I was like, I'm going to go all in. And I do remember eating real nutritious, like full meals and like losing weight and be like, Oh, that's crazy. Again, it wasn't at the rate that my diet brain wanted it to be. But again, I was like, This is for the last time. It's like, this is better because I'm satiated. Like, yeah, I'm not starving and mad at the world, but.
It's also like such means to an end behavior, right? Where it's like, let me just I'm just going to suffer as long as it takes to get this weight off. And then I'll just like, figure out what to do after that, you know, which is nothing. And then you just go back to like, overeating everything. So what you really doing is. Figuring out like, how can you actually meet your body's needs and help it to get to whatever weight feels good for you to live in?
Yeah, totally. So I think it was that the commitment to the long game basically.
Like seeing that big picture. And so you talk a lot about future self stuff and would love to like weave that in a little bit because I think it's something that some people, especially, you know, my very sciency, analytically minded folks out there, they just really are like, what is this, this weird? Like you have to like visualize something. Like what? You know, I think it's actually super powerful work. If we can open our minds up to the idea of it. And I would just love to know, you know, your thoughts about that.
I definitely used her during that time within herself. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. And I'll that sounds woo woo in and of itself right there. But I definitely use her in those moments of struggle or disbelief because, yeah, it was going a little bit more slowly than I had wanted it to go. And I think so many of us come into this process and we want to lose weight. We want to lose weight for the last time. But it's so freaking hard to believe because we've tried so many times and quote unquote, failed. So it's like, how is this going to be different? Like, no way. And so. I taught future self stuff before this was a part of. What I coached in prior to weight loss. I did vision and goal coaching. I was like, Well, I've used my future self with all my other goals. Like, why can't I use her with this? And so I do think it's a little out there, but like to your point, who cares if it's out there if it works? That's the thing.
So we just have to like open our minds up to I know that I blocked myself a lot by just, you know, getting very I mean, I'm just gonna be totally honest, right? Like, you know, some of us, we can all be like. And like, what is that? And that's nonsense. And show me the data, show me the research. And I'm like, That's all fine. As long as you have the results that you want. That's what I had to come to, was just like, If that's working, then we don't have a problem to solve. So awesome. If something's not working and that is not solving it, like maybe we could open our minds up. I always just look at it like, I'll just consider it. I'll try something. I don't have to love it or find it helpful, but I think a lot of us will just kind of shut it down before we've even tried because we're just like, Nope, that's just, Oh, that's like ridiculous. What I'm supposed to, like, sit around with my eyes closed and think about myself in the future? Yeah, actually, yeah. Maybe it could be helpful to try doing that.
Yeah, why not? And I mean, I feel like for your MDs and dos. And just all the people listening, right? It's like they believed that they could become a medical doctor because they saw somebody else do it. And then they were like, Oh, well, if they could do it, I could do it. Right. Right.
So you're basically envisioning yourself where they are, which is your future self. Yes.
So that's just what I want to offer, is that you've already been practicing future self. You just didn't know you were. I get a lot of clients that will be like, I don't have an imagination. I don't have one. I just I can't. I can't. And I'm like, okay, let's just suspend the belief just for like, you can have it back, like in a month or a year or in ten minutes that you really don't have one. But let's just pretend you can. Like, what if I was going to give you $1 million or whatever you like to use? If you could create this picture. And it does, it feels like make believe, but it's mean. It goes to that point. It's like, yeah, that's what make believe is you make it up.
And then anything that we have was make believe like this water bottle in my hand. Someone had a vision, had an imagination thought of, you know what, there's no water bottle like this. There's 50 million out there, but not one like this. And it deserves to be made. And then they went and they created it and they made it real. It's your phone, everyone. I mean, can you imagine? I'm 47 now. I'm getting to be, you know, up there. But if you had told me, first of all, I didn't even know what a computer was. We are a little Apple two E that we had our first computer. They're like, you know, like that. You would have something like that in your pocket. It's ridiculous. Right? So, yeah, it's ridiculous. And also by doing that, that's how you create amazing, imaginative things in your life, like someone who solved their weight problem and co-exists with food very peacefully in their life.
Yeah. Think it's such a good point. Like they always talk about it. Like there's always two creations. The first creation is in your mind, and then the second creation is on the physical plane. And so there we go. I mean, it's.
Really not different. So so, you know, like I think and I think the point of this of this part of this conversation is, you know, you may be kind of turned off to it, but then when you kind of realize that, wait, that's how literally everything around you was created, someone decided, I'm going to write a book. Yeah. And then now there's a book. I'm just saying that because there's three books sitting out, you know, like whatever it is. Well, anything. Yeah. You know, like, I'm. I'm going to do that. And then they created it. And so if you want to create something different, it first has to come from your mind. And the way it comes from that is by you envisioning what it's going to be like to be there.
Now, let's just talk about a different part of this, though, because what I have found over the years with coaching clients is that when we talk about future self stuff, they often don't see their future self as like an actual normal human. They're like, Oh, okay, so my future self, she's at the weight I want to be at. She has this great relationship with food and she never like zero times ever struggles with food or has a negative emotion or gets impatient with anybody or gets angry, you know, or ever has like a life struggle. Not that they are really like intentionally thinking about their future self in that way, but that is who they're envisioning. And then when they get there, they're really disappointed. So how do you approach that?
Well, I think that's a difference between creating your future self and creating your future fantasy self. You're not becoming an alien or. Right. Or a.Robot. Yeah.
Yeah, a robot. Yeah. You are still going to be a human over there, which, like, I don't know, is great news and horrible news. Yeah. So you're still going to be a human. So it's like you talk about I think you talk about like life is 50 over 50 like this. Is that a fact that we can prove? No. But is it a great guiding principle? Yes. So over there, life is still going to be 5050. And I think that that actually can help us not to be in such a rush to get to our future self because and honestly, how you get to your future self is by being in the present moment. That's a whole nother conversation we could talk about in a minute. But yeah, you're still going to struggle.
And I was actually going to bring that up when I was talking to about my story in the beginning, and you're like, Come on, tell us some of the, you know, give us the gossip. And I remember, you know, and this still happens to me. You're still going to probably struggle from time to time with your relationship with yourself and with food because it's a relationship. Yeah, but I feel like the struggles are far more fewer and far between because you've worked on it. So yeah, visualize yourself waking up and going into her closet and getting to pick out whatever she wants and feeling energized and having a little bit of zest for the day because there isn't that sugar hangover or whatever from last night and you take that into your day and you know you've got the playlist on with your kiddos while you're making breakfast.
You're not picking at the pancake batter because you don't do that anymore and because you didn't pick at the pancake batter. You're not like, you know, a little bit mad at yourself and then taking it out on your kids. So I think creating this vision is, yeah, let's let's know that we're still going to be a human being over there and life is not going to be perfect, but we still can have the zest for the day, the confidence, the feeling like ourselves in our own skin like that is very much still available to you. So I do think you want to be careful. Like I notice my clients, like I know that they've created a fantasy vision when they're like, my husband brings me a latte in bed and it's 930 and my kid, my kids are already off to school. And then my husband books me a massage and then there's $1 million in my bank account out of nowhere, right? I mean, go for it if you want to. But it's like, yeah, life is still going to be 5050 and.
It's still going to be you in your life. But without these specific issues anymore. Yeah, right. Or like, I love what you said about like, you know, not like you weren't picking at the leftover pancakes that you made for your kids. So then you're not like, driving to work already, like, mad at yourself and, you know, swearing to yourself, pinky swearing to yourself that you're going to do better at lunch.
And then, you know, the pharmaceutical rep brings in, you know, whatever they bring in and you're like, Shoot, I was going to have that. But now I am because it smells so good and I'm running behind, so I'm going to have it and it's so easy. And then now you're really beating yourself up and then. Right? Like it's just it's those little things where it's just like, what if we just, like, took a sieve, you know, like a filter and just filtered out all that drama. So still your life and still some as you get behind with patients and still sometimes you're rushing around at lunch time and all of that. But it's not the added.
Like you're not adding insult to Injury. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
I think that that is like I do think with weight loss. We talk a lot about think you and probably both talk a lot about like, you know what, it's not better over there. And I do think that it might not be better over there emotionally. But when you go through the processes that you teach in I teach, it's like I think it is a little better over there because we know we know.
It never gets old. For me, being able to look at a pile of Girl Scout cookies and just be like, I mean, I could take them or leave them. Like, I don't really care. Yes. It's not like I'm sitting there, like I don't eat those anymore. No, those are poison. Those are bad for me. If that works for somebody amazing, go for that. Go for it. That's do it. You. Do you. I just like being like it's up to just what do I want? What feels good? Like feeling connected and just not having it be such a thing. You know, someone ate the Last of the Thin Mints. I'm like, okay, so good.
Yeah, because your life is made up of things that are like what I've been calling, like the delectable dopamine hits, like the dopamine hits that like, actually give you what you want tomorrow. Exactly. And I think, yeah, when when somebody does eat your last thin mint and you're pissed about it, it's like, that's a really great news for you to be like, Oh, maybe there's maybe there's an opportunity here for me to fill my fill my life with something that, you know, is, is a true pleasure or because.
Usually we think, Oh, I need coaching on the fact that my kid or my spouse or whoever like ate that thin mint. And instead it's like, why do we care that much about the thin mint? Maybe we should coach on that. Like, why is the brain overemphasizing the importance of that one food? I always think about it as like there are so many amazingly delicious things on this planet that we will never have the opportunity to eat. Like we're missing out all the time on so much good food. So how is that thin mint any different? Right? Like we're not sitting here lamenting about all this other great, amazing food everywhere, all over the world, right? It's like, can we just get to some some piece around the fact that, yeah, like there's an amount of food that I will eat in my life and it will be enough. Yeah. Don't have to go and try to gather all of the amazing things.
That's so interesting. I think about that all the time too. Like on the flip side of like what were what was happening like 400 years ago? Were we like so upset that we didn't have processed sugar?
Well, people smoked. Oh, okay. They smoked, okay.
But they didn't overwork. You know, a lot of people had a much like very slower pace of life. Like when you look back, you think, oh, people were like farming. That's such hard work. But like they have, I don't know, people who research this stuff go back and read documents and things that were written and whatever, and like the amount of time that people worked hourly, like every day was crazy amounts less than what we do. They had so much more free time and like connection with people they loved. And a lot of people had like a strong faith and like, you know, all these other ways for people to fill their buckets, so to speak, you know? Yeah, exactly.
It's that dopamine hit thing again or whatever you want to call it, like the true pleasures versus the false pleasures.
And I think it was also the expectations in life were different. Like, I think this idea that we should feel amazing all the time is relatively new because like people I mean, humans suffered and struggled so terribly for the vast majority of the existence of humans, right? It was just like, yeah, this is how it is, you know, like this is just it was normal. Now we've normalized through, you know, advertising and messaging through society and everything. Like, no, if you're not happy 97% of the time, like you're clearly doing something wrong and it's your fault, you know?
Well, they even mean they've even done studies on other cultures that are like living today that just don't have the outside world influence. Right. Right. And they don't have the anxiety and depression that we have here. And they don't have all the youth. And not to say one is like bad or good or better or worse again, but, you know, they're they aren't using the antidepressants and anti-anxiety to the degree that we are. And again, nothing wrong or bad. No, you know, it's.
Just interesting to understand that because it's like, is this just the human condition? Maybe not necessarily. Right. Like there's just it's amazing that we have help for people who are struggling. And also it's like not our fault that we were born and raised into, you know, a certain culture and society that is this way. You know, it'd be very hard for us to go move to join like some tribe, you know what I mean? Like, like 47 years old. Like, I've decided I'm giving up. I'm, you know, going to go be a part of this.
Like, nomadic, Bring my Thin Mints.
It's like, so, so. Right. So amazing that we have support and help. But also, are there lessons that we can learn, which is like, okay, you know, there are benefits to kind of opting out of some. The things that it's easy to start thinking that you need to be a part of. Like, remember when Facebook first was like a thing for the general public and a friend of mine from college, he kept bugging me to get on there. I'm like, Why would I do that? Like, remember the time just being like, Why? Like, no.
And then he finally, like, convinced me to do it. I don't remember why. Like after years of him bugging me and then I got on there, I was like, you know, like it did exactly to my brain what it's designed to do. And I had to get myself off later because after several years, I was like, this is not good for me. Like, really not good for me, right? So it's like sometimes I just think about, like, what it was like to get ready in the morning. I mean, guess I always had the radio on when I was a teenager or something, but like, I used to just like, get ready and silence, you know? Now, like.
All these outside influences.
I'm listening to Marco Polo, listening to a podcast, listening to, you know, audiobooks, whatever it is. Just like, does it have to be that way? It really doesn't. We really get to choose what works best for us. And and when we recognize that and are willing to make that decision like that is I think let's circle back to what you were saying about, you know, the way you get to your future self is by being the present moment, right? Like I think so many of us I was going to bring up. Yeah. Like so many of us are just constantly unwilling or unable or so uncomfortable, you know, with being in the present moment that we're constantly trying to, like, escape it.
Yeah, totally. So with that and going back to like, is it better over there? Like there's a new set of circumstances over there, there's a new, there's a whole new set of whatever challenges or celebrations, whatever. So yeah, you're still going to be an emotional human over there. I do kind of think like physically, like for me personally, it can only speak for myself. Like I do feel better physically over here, so to speak, for sure. But if you're like, Hey, how am I? Like I would just offer to your listeners like, Hey, how am I going to feel over there, quote unquote, when I'm at my dream come true weight or my natural weight or when I weigh what I want to weigh, However, we want to say it like actually take yourself there.
Like how do you think you're going to feel? Is it light? Is it alive? Is it confident? Is it energetic? Is it just like yourself? And the work is how can I feel that now? Like, how can I feel confident today? Like right now in this moment and you teach again, I'm guessing you teach the model and you teach our thoughts cause our feelings.
So, yes, can you go and create this life where you weigh what you want to weigh 100%? But the way is by feeling how you think you're going to feel over there. Now, that's actually the fuel that that will get you there. So if you think you're going to feel really confident over there, how can you feel confident today? Like what thought can you think today? There is a way that you can feel confident today and if confident, feels like too big of a stretch. Okay. How can you feel capable today? How can you feel just 1% of that today and that will start moving you forward? What we want to do, I think, as humans is maybe because of the cultural conditioning again, is we want to punish our way there or hustle our way there or force ourselves there. And that ends up in all the other ways it's ended up before. And us being like quitting, giving up, throwing in the towel because we can't sustain it.
It's like, do we keep trying like a different flavor of the same punishment and hoping that this one won't hurt? It's like, Nope. Yeah, it doesn't matter what you flog yourself with, it's still going to be painful and you're going to want it to stop.
Yeah, totally. So I found that that, like, always grounds me is like, if I notice I'm in a hustle or I notice I'm in a rush, or I notice that I want to do a green juice cleanse or I mean, don't do that anymore. But like right now, listeners say, your listeners, I know I'm going to do Prolon. I know I'm going to do Optavia Again, not criticizing anything, but if you feel like it's maybe a quick fix or it's from your diet brain, it's very helpful to stop and be like, okay, what do I think that this is going to get me? Like, what feeling do I think this is going to give me and how could I feel this right now? And for me, that always grounds me and helps me to take like inspired action instead of like action from punishment or kind of like.
Throwing spaghetti at the wall, like just instead being like, what's the one specific thing? Because that's I think what holds so many people back too, is like, I, I know I can have it. They believe that they can have what they want, but they don't have the time. They don't have the capacity. It's like too much. It's like a part time job. And I get it. Like when you're stretched thin, you're like, listen, there's just no room for that. Like, I totally understand that. But think, you know, it's actually where this has come up recently is I don't even, like, really know anything about it. Have you heard of this thing, The 75 hard thing? Do you know what this is?
Oh, I do. But isn't it so fun Now, don't. Don't know about all the things anymore.
Really. Even. No. Now, I'm didn't plan to talk about this, so I'm probably going to get it wrong. But I think what you do for like 75 days, you're supposed to eat in whatever way you want to eat. Like whatever way is a supportive way for you. You have to work out like twice a day. One time has to be outside and I think it's 45 minutes each time. Is that right? Yep. And then you need to read, what is it, like ten pages of a self-help book every day and it can't listen. You have to read.
Oh, I didn't know that.
So that's three things. What are the other other five things? I don't even know. What else do you have to do?
I don't know what that well, either because you don't either.
Maybe there's some other things. Maybe that's just it. But anyway, what I was thinking about. No alcohol.
No alcohol. Okay. Yeah. So I think that, like, what? I was thinking about it, though. It's a guy who's like, put it together. When I heard about it, though, it sounded very like masculine to me. It was like, we're like, bro, we're going to like, do all this and it's hard and we're going to do it, you know? And which is like a totally amazing thing for plenty of people. But I do think that for a lot of women, we try to do programs like this that just are not in alignment with our lives or what we even need or want. And so if you're someone who is like going from zero exercise to 45 minutes, twice a day, every single day for 75 days, like if you're not injured or like, you know, seeing a physical therapist or something, you know, like this is a huge life change.
And so instead maybe thinking like, so what is it that attracts me to a program like that? Is it that I just want to be more active, that I want to feel more connected in my body? You know, Is it like, do I need to be required to read ten minutes of a self-help book every day? Or could I just kind of go, you know what? What is that one thing that I know would help me that I haven't been doing and could I commit to doing that every day? You know, whether it's listening to something or filling out some worksheets in a program or like, you know, something like that, like, like looking at it like, even if you want to do it just because it sounds fun, like, what is the result you're hoping to get at the end of it? Because what's going to be different at 75 days, you know, or like no exceptions, right? So you're probably going to want to eat all the things that you haven't been eating.
You're going to want to have all the drinks. Like, is this not just the same thing? Isn't this just like another crash diet in disguise? It is. Unless we really, really are thoughtful about what do we want? What what is the takeaway we hope to get from this. Yeah. And making sure we get that. And I know someone actually one of the coaches on my team, Zoe, she did it because her son actually recommended that she do it. Hopefully she's okay with me sharing this, but she was saying like the main thing that she got out of it was that she really figured out she had to really manage her time.
And when she did manage her time, like when she did, she had to to get it all in, she had to manage a lot. And what she realized is when she really plans her day out, she can get so much done. It gives her so much more freedom and was like, See, that's an amazing result. Not like I can see abs or my body fat percentage is whatever or like something like that. Like if you want to challenge yourself in that way of like, I really want to get back. It reminds me of those days when I was in high school and I was like in marching band and on the swim team and like, I mean, there was so I had no time. I was stuffed before school after school. I mean, how did I get it all done? Honors classes. You know what? I organized my time and I got it all done. If you want to kind of do that to remind yourself, Wow, look how much I can get done when I, like, really get to work. Amazing. But not as a beat myself up.
Yeah. Not as a way to, again, punish yourself or like, have to get all these things done or I'm not good enough. Right. And there's two points here. Well, there's a million points that we could a million different directions. But one point I think that you just made so beautifully is what is the result I want out of 75 hard or whatever the thing is, of losing weight or whatever. And when I have that result, how is that result going to make me feel? Yeah, because that's always why we want a result is because we think it's going to make us feel a certain way.
And back to my point earlier, and this this is really for your people that are super analytical. Fine. Don't visualize anything. Don't like, you know, put them on your. I'm a weirdo. I have, like, all my visions on my, like, refrigerator. People are like, what is this? You're so weird. I'm like, Read it aloud if you want, but you're doing future self work by thinking, Hey, what is the result I want and how is that result going to make me feel and how can I feel that now in order to get that and think that's why the model is so impactful? Because it's like, Oh, if I could feel that now, do I still want that result? And for most of us with weight loss, the answer is still yes. I think you guys obviously get to decide for yourself. But for me, that that was the answer was it was still yes.
But what's really cool about this whole process, when you like back up, is you realize that like, you can do this to create the body that you want to live in, right? But then it doesn't just stop there, right? It's like, then what's the next thing that you want? Like whether it's the way you're showing up for your parents or your kids or, you know, at work or, you know, for your patients or whatever it is. Like it's literally the same thing. So it's like you're just learning this process. I mean, just like you were saying you were, What'd you say? You're a vision and what kind of coach were you performing?
I had a lot of different names. I was a I was a spark or shine coach, a vision and goal coach, a goal coach, a soul shine coach. I was like, you know, you could just call yourself a life coach, right?
A coach, right, exactly. It's like you basically already had that meta skill of how to use that visioning to help you create what you want. And then you used it here for your body and weight in relationship with food, and then you use it again for other things. And so that's what's really cool too. Like I always love something that's like multi-purpose, you know, like it's like this is not just like a one time. You got to like, figure this out and learn it and then you'll never use it again. It's like, no, this is going to literally going to build and your skill at doing it becomes, you know, higher and more well developed and then you're able to create it faster.
But like exactly what you're saying, like how are you going to feel like I was just thinking like with Zoe and feeling like, Oh my gosh, I can get so many things more, you know, done when I'm organized. I was just thinking to myself, like, how would I feel? And I would feel like so in control and so, like, energetic and ready to take on the day. Okay, cool. How could I feel that way now?
It's such an easy switch most of the time. Not 100%, but it is a it is a good hack. But to your point on, you know, we just keep repeating the process and getting better and better, like weight loss. And I think this could be for your audience too, like weight loss really was that one thing that I really thought I couldn't conquer? Yeah. And then I did it and my confidence just skyrocketed. And I was already like a pretty confident person. But I was like I was almost a little freaked out because I was like, Oh, like, if I can do this, I actually can do anything. And that's just to your point of 75 Heart or whatever it is.
When you learn the skill of setting a goal and then achieving it, it's a little. I remember back in my yoga teaching days, I had this one client who did those ultra marathons. She would do like 100 milers or whatever, and I would be like. I mean, if you can run a hundred miles, you could do literally anything in the world. And she just would always, like, laugh it off. And I'm like, No, really? And that's how I felt after I lost weight for the last time, I was like, Oh my God, I can really I really can do anything. And that's one of those, like, you know, cherry on top and unexpected benefits, whatever you want to call them, like byproducts, like if you lose weight for the last time and you've thought that you couldn't do it and then you do it, then you are you're unstoppable. It's like and you're and.
You're just questioning all the other things you think you can't do or like, Oh, I'm not far enough along in my career to put my hat in the ring for that promotion or that leadership position or whatever. And then you start going like, But what if that's like, not even true? Because I know that I want that. And I thought I had to wait five years, but what if I just put my name in now? Like, what's going to happen? They'll say no, or maybe I'll get it. And that would be cool. Like you just start to think about life and opportunities and what's possible for yourself in a different way, which is really, really fun and exciting. And I've seen it, and I'm sure you do too.
I've seen it so many times, like people being like, Yeah, wait, what? Wait in high school? But that's really not the best part. Like, the best part is like, my marriage is a dream come true. The way that I relate to my kids is infinitely better. You know, like I'm making more money, I'm taking less call. I'm like, it's like you're literally like, Are you serious? Are you for real? Like, you created all this? Yes. Just by working on.
Getting, like, testimonials from my clients or whatever. I'm like, They want to talk about that. They're like, Oh, my marriage. And, you know, and now I'm starting this business. I'm like, No, I want to talk about your weight loss results. They're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, when we are starting, we're like, Oh, it's this all consuming thing that I'm so tired of. And then we actually put it to bed and we realize, like, there's so much like that's really not that big a part of your life. It's only a big part of your life because it's such a struggle, just like collapses down into what I think of as like an appropriate kind of level of attention needing, you know, it's like, like what you were saying, you know, it doesn't mean that you don't ever have to kind of re circle or refocus on things like for sure, it happens to me too.
I'm like, Oh, oh, look what happened there. Okay? But I'm not like, Oh my God, throw it all away. I don't know what I'm doing. Obviously, this doesn't work. It's like, oh, little tweaks, little tweaks, you know, our lives change, our bodies change. We get older, different things happen. Maybe there's more babies or surgery or a diagnosis or medication you have to take or whatever it is, and you just make these adjustments as you go so that you're putting an appropriate amount of attention on it, meaning enough to give you the results that you want. And no more than that and no drama. You know, you're not like.
I think that like goes back to the relationship thing too. Like at the beginning we talked a little bit about just this whole process being a relationship, a relationship with yourself, a relationship with your body, the way it looks, a relationship with food. And it's like I always love the parallel between the relationship with our spouses or our partners or our kiddos or whoever's important in our life. It's like, yeah, to your point, it's not going to be perfect, but if my husband and I get in a tiff, we're not getting a divorce.
We're going to like, come back together and be like, Oh, hey, yeah, like, do we have a solid foundation? Are we kind of on cruise control for right now? Yeah, we are. But if something happens, we're going to look at that because we're committed to it. And I think it's really the same when it comes to like our weight, our bodies ourselves. And I just don't think that we're asked to commit to ourselves and our body and food in the way that we're asked to commit to our partners. If you do decide to get married in a traditional your.
Career, I mean, hello, all these doctors, right? Like such a commitment to the career.
Yes. You know, and the reality is, is, you know, we might as well make these commitments because we actually are going to be with ourselves for the rest of our lives.
Exactly. Like the career doesn't exist without us. Yeah, well, on that note, this was super fun. I just looked at the time and I was like, Oh my gosh, okay, well, we could do this for four more hours, but it's super fun and such a it's such a good conversation. I think people love I know I love hearing, you know, conversations between different people and just hearing other people's, you know, just their how they kind of came to all of this. And it's sometimes it's like it's as simple as what we talked about today. And, you know, it can be for some people, it can feel for a lot of people, it can feel like as hard as that to it's like as simple as your future self and feeling that way today. And some days you're like, I can't for the life of me generate one emotion. And that's where coaching can be so helpful, right? Like, like actually getting day to day help with that. So I'd love for you to tell everybody a little bit more about how they can find you and all of that.
So if you can't access those emotions, just ask your future self for some advice. Because if you can't get coaching right in that moment for whatever reason you're driving, you know, because I know your clients probably can get. Written coaching as can mind. But I just. I found that, like, take a deep breath. What wisdom does she have to offer me? What piece of advice does she and nine times out of ten is like, it's all going to be okay, calm down.
Do that all the time. Actually consult my future self on on certain things like is this a problem? What did I should I do something different? Yeah. Like, yeah. 99 times out of 100 she's like keeps stay on the path, girl. Keep going. You're on the right track And she does.
My future self will say calm down like you're supposed to. It's only time when someone can say calm down to me and I'm not pissed, right? My husband says, Calm down and I'm going to literally throw the you know what? The water bottle at him. But my future self can be calm. Like, calm down, Lauren. I'll be like, Oh, thank you, future. Oh, that's so kind.
So you can find me on Instagram at Laura Connelly coaching or on my website. Laura connelly.com. My name is Laura Connelly and I also have a podcast, the Yummy Mummy podcast with Laura Connelly.
So good. Well, this was super fun and I'm so, so, so glad that you were available to come and talk.
Oh, thanks for having me, Katrina. Thank you.
Ready to start making progress on your weight loss goals. For lots of free help, go to katrinaubellmd.com and click on Free Resources.