Ep #341: Wanting to Want It

Welcome to the Weight Loss for Busy Physicians podcast. I'm your host, master Certified life and weight loss coach, Katrina Ubell, M.D. This is the podcast where busy doctors like you come to learn how to lose weight for the last time by harnessing the power of your mind. If you're looking to overcome your stress, eating and exhaustion and move into freedom around food, you're in the right place. Well, hello there, my friend. Welcome to today's episode. I just had a little moment as I was starting to record this, even for episode 341.

I still always do a little test audio first to make sure that this is working, because what I would not want to do is record a whole episode and then find out it's not working. And I did it and it wasn't working. And I was like, What is happening? And I figured [00:01:00] it out. But it took me a sec. I was like, What is going on? But I figured it out. So here we are, so glad that you've joined me today. I have to tell you, I don't know what your summer experience is like. I feel like mine. I mean, the whole year is flying by, but it's been kind of extra busy. Usually the summer's here, you know where I live. I talk about this a lot. Summer's here are really beautiful and all want to be is outside and haven't just kind of had the at home relaxation time that I typically like to have because there's just been a lot of things going on, all like good things.

[00:01:33] I was just saying I was like a lot of fun things, but not particularly restful or relaxing things. And so it feels like it's just kind of flying by him, like it's going to be, you know, apple picking time Before I know it. It's going to be the the leaves are going to be changing before I know it. It's just flying, flying by. So I don't know think that that's probably pretty typical for a lot of people. But remember that actually in college, like feeling like the weeks just flying [00:02:00] by, particularly my junior year, my junior year in college was a really busy time.

I had to take a whole bunch of extra credits to be able to apply to medical school on time. And so I or like not on time, but like, you know, right after I graduated and it was just like, wow, the days just flew. Anyway, that's what it's been feeling like for me. Actually. Have a rare moment where my house is empty right now. Except for my dog, of course. But besides that, it's kind of like I'm kind of relishing it. It's actually really kind of nice. So I wanted to talk to you about a topic today that actually hinges a bit to the topic that we talked about in last week's episode. So I don't know so much that you have to have listened to last week's episode first.

[00:02:37] I think you can listen to this one first if you want and then go listen to that one. I think they kind of are good companion episodes. Don't think that one hinges on the other in any way at all. But I did want to kind of talk about the next step. So last week I talked about lighting a fire underneath yourself, like how to get yourself just like how to get that spark going, how to get yourself up and moving and doing this. And today I want to talk to you about wanting [00:03:00] to want it. And so I'm going to explain a little bit more about that to you here, because this is kind of the pattern that I see for a lot of people really often again and again and want to see if I can smooth this out a little bit for you or help you to see a way out or a way through this that can go a little bit faster.

So it's not uncommon for us to feel some initial spark, some initial motivation, some initial excitement to get going with, you know, getting your weight under control, you know, or eating under control, things like that, especially if you're not feeling physically very well. If you get any, you know, like lab results or something like that, that can be very motivating. Maybe you just aren't physically feeling great. Maybe you saw a number on the scale that really was like a trigger in your brain of like, Oh, time to take action, got to do something.

[00:03:50] Now, there could be lots of reasons why you had that initial motivation to get going. And so what I find often is that what we do is we have that initial motivation. [00:04:00] We're kind of lighting that fire underneath ourselves like, okay, let's get going. And that can last for a while. And then often it kind of is just not enough to get us to our real goal, like where we want to actually be. And I wouldn't say that this is the case for everybody by any stretch, but it's common enough that wanted to do an episode about it so we can reignite that fire.

And that's what last week's episode was about too, is like getting yourself going, lighting that fire. And I think that is all very much helpful. But sometimes it can still feel like, yeah, I got the fire lit, but it kind of burnt out within maybe a day, a couple of days, a couple weeks, maybe. And then you feel like you're right back at it where you're just kind of like just not really doing the things how I see this show up in my clients who I work with in the Weight loss or doctors only program is that sometimes they'll come and say, you know, I've already lost 20 pounds, I have another 15 to go or 20 to go or whatever it is.

[00:04:55] And so they're kind of maybe halfway there. So they're already feeling so much better. Their clothes fit better. They're maybe [00:05:00] down a size or two, you know, their energy is better. Like a lot of the initial problems have actually been solved for and they are feeling pretty good, but they still know that they have more that they want to work on. And so what then they'll say is, I just want to want it like, can you help me to want to want it? Meaning they want it. In the past they really felt like a strong desire to lose the weight and get to their goal and they no longer feel that strong desire. So what they're asking for is increased desire.

To desire getting the results right because that strong desire is it can be very motivating. There's something we really want very badly. We're willing to put in the effort to do it, and we want to get back to that place where we have that strong desire. So what we're asking for is, can you help me get to that place where I have that strong desire? I want to increase my desire to get to that place where I have the desire. It's a little [00:06:00] it's a little confusing, right, when you think about it. But they just want to want it more. And what is happening for many of them is that they're not gaining weight back, which actually speaks so much about the progress that people make when they're in our program.

[00:06:14] Right? Because typically, like, you would lose some of the weight and then if you weren't actively losing, you would just be gaining it back again. And that's generally not the experience that people have in our program. Generally, what they find in this kind of a scenario is that they're actually just kind of maintaining, right? So they're like, Well, the last couple months I've just been, you know, sometimes they'll say they've been stuck there or maybe they're like down a couple pounds up a couple pounds, you know, like maybe 3 pounds up, down, up, down, up, down. But they're basically maintaining and I always am very quick to point out to them.

So that's so good to know because for so many of us, we never have been able to maintain a day in our lives. Right. So the fact that you're even maintaining. Yes, let's just say it's a weight that's higher than what you want it to be, just maintaining it is huge. [00:07:00] That's like such a win, right? Like if you just keep doing what you're doing right now, you can maintain this weight, which is however many pounds lower than what it was when you first started. So good to know. Like you can start changing that identity that you have, You know, are those thoughts, those beliefs that you have about yourself, that you're not somebody who can maintain your weight loss? Like actually you have been for the last three months or however long it's been.

[00:07:23] So that's really good to know. Like we can actually maintain our weight loss. That's really good. The issue, though, is that we want that maintenance weight to be a bit lower for any number of reasons, any reason that you want it to be. So how do we address that? How do we help ourselves to want it more? And the way kind of like to think about this is that. All of us, every part of us generally wants the results. There are some exceptions to this, but generally all of us want the result of getting to our goal weight and then [00:08:00] staying there. Right?

Like, like every part of us is like, yep, that sounds good. Like, that sounds like it'll be a good thing. But in this scenario where we are feeling like we're kind of just maintaining and not moving forward and don't really have the desire we'd like to see, then only part of us really wants to put in the effort to lose that weight and the other part of us feels something else. And so I'll just give you some examples of how that part might feel. That part might feel kind of lazy, just like low energy just doesn't want to do it. That part might feel kind of some self pity, like, why do I have to work so hard? I wish this would just happen on its own. I wish this was something that I didn't have to put so much effort into.

I wish I could just be a naturally thin person, you know? It's kind of a little wallowy, you know, It just kind of like, Well, I don't like that it's this way. That part sometimes just kind of wants to complain, right? Just kind of wants to be like, I don't like this. I don't want to do this. Let's just sit and complain about all [00:09:00] the things that we don't want to do. It might want to just kind of put off the work and the effort, right? It wants the results but doesn't really want to put in the work and the effort to get there. And often when we're in a situation like this, the amount of work and effort, it seems like we're going to need to get the results.

It seems to us like it's a lot more than it really has to be. So then it'll feel even worse. We're like, Oh my gosh, it's going to be so hard. I'm going to have to put so much work and so much effort into it when that isn't necessarily the case at all. But of course, when we tell ourselves that it's going to make us less inclined to move forward and do something that other part of us like, it kind of wants to wait until this all just feels easier, right? Instead of getting going and figuring out how to make it easier, we're kind of like, I'm just going to wait until maybe whatever settles down in my life, you know, all those ways that we kind of externalize doing this work.

[00:09:51] Like we don't realize, like this is just an internal thing that I can do no matter what's going on in my life, but instead going, Well, there's this [00:10:00] going on in my life. And I had this thing and, you know, this new complication or this new challenge. And I just want to mention right, there are times in our lives, there are seasons where it's maybe not the time to be focusing on that. And that's okay, too. But even so, it doesn't mean that we just are like, okay, now I'm not going to put any attention into this. In fact, was actually just coaching a client in our program just not long ago where she's actually in a similar position only with her family being much younger, where just the summer is just a very, very, very busy time for her with just coordinating all the child care and all of her kind of typical stuff.

And support systems are not really there. And she knows that once Fall hits, she's going to be in a good place. But right now, it's just it's really tough and also kind of just feeling like I've been maintaining, but I'm not making progress. What do I do? And you know, what I talk to her about was like, well, what if we just kind of keep maintaining the weight? We're not like working actively on the weight, but what you could do is focus these next couple of months [00:11:00] on some of the other mental work, right? Processing the emotions, really developing your other skills, which are just as important, if not arguably more important than figuring out like what to put in your mouth and what not to write or how to do that, when to eat and all those things Like you could maybe just keep chunking away at some of the other materials that we offer.

[00:11:22] And working through those things like working through the coaching aspects of it. And then once fall hits, it's like, okay, now we have the support systems in place. We can get back into figuring out how we want to eat and things like that. And so, so sometimes we do want to meet ourselves where we're at, but that doesn't mean that we do nothing. That's a really important thing for us to understand and recognize. You're not going to just be like, okay, well, now's not a good season for me to do it, so therefore I'm going to do nothing because when we do, nothing is typically when the old habits come back and then we are gaining. So we don't want to be gaining. We need to be doing what we need to do to support ourselves, to keep ourselves where we are, and then figuring out [00:12:00] what we can do right, rather than thinking a lot about what we can't do.

[00:12:05] So like I said, all of us wants the results, but part of us is kind of like, I don't really want to do it. I just want to want to do it, but don't really want to do it right. And so I totally get that. And I've been there too. I totally recognize that. And I think that a lot of people after Covid, I think, are in that place where they're like, I really should do something. I really want to do something, but not enough to actually do something right. It's kind of like what needs to happen to get me to get going here. And we don't want it to be something that's like really extreme or drastic, of course.

So I have three kind of qualities slash behaviors, ways of approaching this, that if you do these three things, if you rely on these things, when you're wanting to increase your desire to take action, you're going to be in a really good place. Like this is really going to get you where you are wanting to go. And I do want to tell you [00:13:00] that these things are maybe a little less sexy than we'd like them to be, but they are tried and true and they work. And ultimately, I think that dopamine loving part of our brain is like, give me the sexy thing that I've never heard of. Whatever. But but really, what it comes down to is try and true is what makes us feel confident in doing it.

[00:13:21] We're like, No, that makes sense. That's going to work and that moves us forward. So when you are wanting to want it more, okay, when you are in a place where you're like, you know, there's like this last push or I just want to do a push to lose the next 10 pounds or whatever it is, like, how do I get myself to want that? Particularly when that initial pain that got you moving in the first place has resolved itself? Like, how do we keep moving so that we actually finish it all up? There's three things. Number one, we have to be resourceful. And this is something that I think a lot of doctors in particular really under utilize. [00:14:00] This is a skill of being resourceful, of being able to figure things out.

I know that was actually one of my favorite parts of being a pediatrician was like people would come in and, you know, whatever it was like any struggle that they had with their child, like it could be sleep, it could be eating, it could be helping them to not like, you know, pee through their diaper when they start sleeping 12 hours at night and like, soaking the whole bed. Like, could be like any number of different things. And it was really fun for me to use my brain to come up with different solutions. Like, what if we tried this? What if we tried that? What if we tried this? It was like really thinking about like, what are all the resources that we can utilize and figure out what's going to work here, Remembering that there are possibilities for success.

[00:14:44] And that's what really being resourceful comes down to. When you're being resourceful. You believe that there is a solution. You know, there's a way through this. And so you just keep looking to find what is the resource going to be that's going to move me forward. And often that [00:15:00] resource is something that we just need to tap into. It's something that we already have within us and we just need to tap into it further. So we need to be more resourceful. What exactly that means is going to vary depending on what specifically you're struggling with.

You know, for some people it's going to be like, Well, I've been eating this certain way and it was working for a while. And then now it appears like if I keep eating this way, it's not going to keep moving me forward. Okay, well, so we have to get resourceful. You have to think like what are the resources that are available to us and what are maybe some resources we're not even aware of yet that could be helpful. For instance, you know, it could be that you're like, Yeah, I've been trying to do this on my own and now I've kind of hit this roadblock. Like maybe it's time for actually a program like weight loss for doctors only.

[00:15:42] Like that would be an amazing resource that would help me to get the support that I need to push myself actually through this, you know, plateau or wherever you're stuck and get to the actual goal and then figure out how to maintain that goal. But it can be other things, too. It can be realizing, you know, I've been trying to do this all on my own and haven't even asked the people [00:16:00] who love me, who surround me for their support or their help, because if I asked for a little bit of help, this would be so much simpler. Like it could be as simple as that, right?

It can also be going like, well, you know what? I know that I have a part of my brain that's really good at critical thinking. I'm going to actually look at like my actual food journal, what have I been eating and what might make sense to make some changes, to not out of judgment, not out of, you know, because I'm doing it all wrong or because I'm failing, but just out of genuine curiosity, hey, it looks like I've been eating this same thing a lot every day. Maybe it's time to make a shift with that. Maybe I should try something different now because that other thing is bad. Just because we got to mix it up. Sometimes homeostasis is real, you know? Like those are just some examples. But once we recognize like resourcefulness is a really, really good quality and we can believe that we are resourceful, right? Like we are somebody who can utilize the available resources.

[00:16:56] And if those aren't enough going out and finding new resources, then [00:17:00] we can get going. When you have the proper resources, think about it. We'll have those proper resources. You are feeling more motivated. You want it more, you have a little bit more excitement, maybe a lot more excitement. You're like, Oh my gosh, this is going to be the thing. This is going to help me. So there you go. Now you want it more, right? It's combo like lights that fire, but then keeps you moving more because it's the wanting to want it that keeps you going even when it's hard. Okay.

The second quality slash behavior is decisiveness. I see a lot of people who get stuck in indecision just like but don't know, should I do this? Should I do that? Right? So now they've they've found the resources and now they're like, but there's seven resources. What should I do first? Or should I do two at a time? Or maybe I should do four at a time? And if so, which four should I do? You know, like and I don't mean this in any mocking way, this is just how human brains work. And particularly for some of us who struggle with this more, right? Like we start thinking like there's going to be a right decision or there's one of these resources that's going to be better than the other, and then [00:18:00] we don't know which one to do.

[00:18:01] And then we got to ask a bunch of people and then we're just doing nothing again, right? And then it just feels very overwhelming and it's a lot. And how do we decide which one to do? And so I just want to encourage you to be decisive. Like, if you can't make a wrong decision, then just pick the first one or close your eyes. Eeny meeny miney mo, like stick your finger down and just pick whichever one like just pick one and take action. When you just decide like, I will be decisive about this, you can also be led if you're someone who's connected to a gut feeling your intuition, you feel led by any kind of power or force in the world, then just let yourself be guided.

Which one are you most interested in? Maybe which one seems the easiest? You know, which one seems the most exciting to you? Which one seems the simplest and the one that would require the least effort from. You mean to pick that one? Doesn't really matter If all of them are leading you to the same place, then pick which one you want to do the most and then just do that one. So we just have to be decisive. We're going to come [00:19:00] up with some obstacle or some challenge or some decision or some opportunity to make a choice.

[00:19:04] And we're just going to be decisive. We don't have to look at the menu in a restaurant and just like hem and haw and what should I eat? And I don't know, like, what do you like to eat if you have to ask it to make it, you know, to make some accommodations or adjust it so it works for you do that. Like just decide. Not any single decision is going to be such like make or break, right? Like, what's a decision that's in alignment with where you want to be going and then just make that decision and move forward. Okay.

And then the third quality, so we have resourcefulness and decisiveness. The third quality slash behavior is being committed. And this is something that I've talked a lot about on this podcast, but maybe not so much recently. And that's really just deciding, you know what, I'm going to keep going no matter what. I will figure this out. I'm going to keep going and I'm going to keep going and I'm going to keep going until I get the result that I want. And [00:20:00] so that is something that can kind of be like smoldering in the back, you know, like behind the stage or whatever. Like when we're trying to get ourselves more motivated, when we are wanting to want it. Reconnecting to that commitment can be very helpful. And where this particularly can be very helpful when you're in kind of the middle of losing weight is in recognizing that the things that you were committed to in the very beginning, you may need to recommit like those things may not actually be applicable to you anymore.

[00:20:32] So, for instance, when you first were starting out losing weight, you could be like, okay, I can't stand my clothes fitting this way, you know, whatever. It was like, I can't zip up my winter coat, you know, something like that. Like, I barely can. Like, I don't want to feel so stuffed into this thing. I want to feel more comfortable. Well, now it's summer, of course, but regardless, if you are like, Yeah, a jacket fits totally great. Like, then why should you keep going? That's not very motivating, right?

So sometimes [00:21:00] we have already achieved all the things that we initially committed to, and so we aren't committed to moving forward because we haven't actually committed to it yet. We haven't really looked at what is ahead of us and why we actually want to do what it takes to get to that goal. So we need to figure out why we want it. And do just want to let you know that for some people they realize I actually cannot think of any reason why I want it. And then, okay, so then maybe you should stop. And if there's no reason to keep going and losing more weight, then you should probably stop is my guess. Right. So that's also an option. But for the person who's like, No, no, no, there's definitely more, you know, I know why I want to do it.

[00:21:42] Then we need to get clear about that. And it's not just something you can think about for just a couple of minutes on occasion. It needs to be something that you really think about on a regular basis or reconnect to on a regular basis. So that means potentially writing it down or putting it on your phone, maybe making it like the lock screen of your phone or things [00:22:00] that bring it to your attention again and again. Why do you actually want to do this? What are you committing to doing? And when you know what it is you're trying to create and why you want to create it, you are much more committed, and when you're committed, you actually want it more.

And even when you're kind of like don't really know, but you committed and you just do it anyway, right? So it can be very helpful as you kind of weather the ups and downs of your overall desire to do the work. Right? You've made this commitment, so you're going to do it anyway. And think about it. You commit to other people all the time and do things that you don't want to do all of the time. So you absolutely have the skill. You absolutely can do it. What we have to do is just get to a place where you value yourself just as much, if not more, than those other people that you already do those things for.

[00:22:50] Because you committed to it even though you don't want to do it. So those are the ways that we work through this. When you're wanting to want it, [00:23:00] you need to be resourceful, decisive and committed, resourceful, decisive, committed. Okay. When you do those things, you will start to see progress. You will see yourself moving forward. You will start succeeding in your goals. And by the way, this doesn't just apply to weight loss, but in this context, we're talking about it when it comes to weight loss. This applies to lots of other things as well, but ultimately. We have to get to a place where we're kind of tired of hearing ourselves talk about it.

Do you ever get to that? I have had that where I'm like, you know, I'm sick of hearing myself talk about this or even think about it like I'm ready to just do something different. But you don't have to sit around going like, Can you make me want it more? How do I want this more? Right. Like, it's time to go. Like, all right, something needs to change so that I can just tackle this, get it done, move forward, figure out maintaining my actual goal so I can move on in my life. Right. Who wants to be sitting there wanting to want it for an extended period of time? [00:24:00] I don't think many people. So how can you be more resourceful? How can you be more decisive? How can you be more committed? You answer those questions and you start moving forward on your answers.

[00:24:11] This will change things if you want help with this. Because here's the thing. Like you can still have some roadblocks. Might be one of those things where like, yes, Katrina sounds amazing. I'm totally going to do that within a week. You're like, Shoot, I'm still stuck. This is why we have coaching programs to help you. Okay, So we're opening up enrollment actually in the next couple of weeks for our weight loss for doctors only group that's going to be starting in September.

So if you are interested in checking that out now, you want to have a look at it. You can go to katrinaubellmd.com/info and you can get more information about it. You can even enroll off that page if you know. Yeah, Listen, this is what I absolutely need help with. But if you are still, you know, have more questions or want more information that will be available soon as well. So one more time, be [00:25:00] resourceful, decisive and committed. This is how we do it. Okay? This is how we get ourselves to want it and move forward and make progress.

And with that, I wish you a great rest of your week and I will talk to you next time. All right. Take care. Bye bye. Ready to start making progress on your weight loss goals. For lots of free help, go to katrinaubellmd.com and click on Free Resources.