I used to think that my main problem with my weight was that I just liked food. I really didn't think it was any more complicated than that!
“If I could just like food less,” I would think, “then losing weight and maintaining it would be so much easier!”
So when I found myself eating a couple handfuls of grapes or crackers while I was packaging them up for my kids' lunches, even though I wasn't hungry, I didn't give that action a whole lot of thought. I would just think, “they looked good so I ate a few (or fifteen)!!”
This, again, is that surface-level thinking. The food looks tasty, therefore I eat some of it. What is there to analyze?
But in prior posts, we've established that there is always a feeling that drives our actions.
So then every time we eat something (even a little nibble or taste) when we are not physically hungry, there is an emotion that we are experiencing that is driving us to eat.
Here's an example:
I just ate a filling lunch at work and am no longer experiencing physical hunger. I see the doughnuts someone brought into the office earlier in the morning and decide to break off a corner of one and eat it.
If I ask myself why I ate that, at first I might just think, “I just really like that kind of doughnut!” or “They smelled really good!”
While true, that's not really the full story.
Underneath that, there's an emotion I'm experiencing that is uncomfortable for me and I decide that eating a nob of doughnut will make that emotion go away or at least make experiencing it more tolerable. For a few moments, at least.
If I think back and get in tune with what I was thinking and feeling right in the moment I decided to eat the bit of doughnut, I can tap in to thoughts about dreading my impending afternoon clinic which makes me feel anxious. Sitting with anxiety is uncomfortable so I look for something to make me feel better in the moment. This is where the doughnut comes in!
The sugar and flour in the doughnut give me a bit of a dopamine release in my brain which does actually make me feel a little better in the moment.
So what's the problem with using a few bites of food to feel better?
Well, there's a few. First, the sugar-induced relief I get from anxiety is really only momentary. It doesn't last long.
Second, the thoughts that I have about dreading my afternoon clinic are still there, so the feeling of anxiety hasn't gone anywhere either, even though I ate some doughnut. This can leave me looking for more food to eat in a continued attempt to feel better.
Third, there's a few downsides to eating the doughnut such as weight gain, erosion of my relationship with myself (I might have recently promised myself to stay on track with my eating, only to not keep my promise to myself by eating the doughnut), and a more deeply ingrained habit of using food to try to make my life more tolerable.
So that little corner of doughnut has turned into a much bigger deal than it looked like on first inspection!
So this week, I'd like to challenge you to pause for a moment, right before you start to eat something off your plan. In that moment, tune in to what emotion you are feeling right then. If you can't think of a name for it, just describe what it feels like in your body (such as shoulder tension, pit in the stomach, or restlessness).
Then think about what you're wanting or expecting that food to do for you, right in that moment.
It will probably make you feel a bit better for a few moments, but if the following moments are filled with you berating yourself for eating something you shouldn't have, or you continuing to feel the original way because nothing has changed, decide if that's really what you want to do. Or is it a possibility to put the food down and allow yourself to feel the negative emotion.
Remember that heavy backpack or handbag from last week's post? Envision those negative emotions as the weight on your back and continue to trudge along through your day without reacting (ex. being snippy with your nurse), avoiding (ex. eating food that doesn't fuel your body), or resisting (ex. trying to push the negative emotions away without feeling them, causing them to increase in intensity).
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